All comics by amberfunnies

 

Defense strategy by amberfunnies 5-16-03

 

Defense strategy by amberfunnies 5-16-03
You've heard the autopsy reports. I couldn't have done it. I can't even gut my own fish. Just ask Janey! Scott, we need something to work with. What can you tell me?	Yes ... well, um, ya know ... I've been gutting Scott's fish for him since he was 14. Ya know, ... that's just Scott. Yes. I see. Slug 'im and then hug 'im.	Yes. This will do nicely. Chump!! heheheh

 

Scott Does Yoga by amberfunnies 5-21-03
Whatcha doin? Ooh ... yeah, I like it. heeheeheeheehee ... mmmhmmm Just practicing my yoga. Bubba taught me some new moves.	Huh?! Yoga won't help where your'e goin!	Come on in, Scotty! I've got a few moves of my own to show you. Be tough, be tough! I can handle this. Mommy!!!

 

Scott's Literary Review by amberfunnies 5-22-03
Scott .............. uh, okay, Holden ................ you poor boy! Call me Holden. ........... My dad promised me a Ferrari, and then he gave me a used Peugeot	Scott, you're so thin! What are they feeding my baby?! .................. Odd-is-us? .............. I'll get Joe right on it! Mooommm! Call me Odd-is-us. ............... Yeah, you know, that guy in the Homer Simpson book you brought me. ...... Do you think Dad's crate company can build a big wooden horse for my escape?	Ahem, Scott, I've come to negotiate for your soul. ............... Ppppbbbbbbbtttttt .... yeah right. Muwahahaha Call me Job.

 

Open Mouth, Insert Hoof by amberfunnies 6-26-03
... it is unfair to blame only the buffalo named Allred for the media crush.	A BUFFALO! A BUFFALO!? Do I look like a buffalo to you, John? Er ... ah ... um.	Miss Allred is, in fact, a gazelle, not a buffalo.

 

Hee Haw by amberfunnies 7-25-03
Pityson Party Gloom, despair and agony on me!........ Deep dark depression, excessive misery! Woe! ....................... Woe!	If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all!.............. Gloom, despair and agony on me! Woe!	Scott laments losing Amber Where, O where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I'd found true love! You met my mother, and Pfffft... you were gone!

 

Scott vs Kobe by amberfunnies 8-06-03
What'd she think ... that he was going to serenade her up there? No means No!	If she's really that bruised and battered, his goose is cooked! Aaaw, I don't know. Could have been rough sex. I've have some bruises and scratches before. The missus is an animal between the sheets.	Kobe, Kobe, Kobe... I'm not gettin' any airtime! My public is gonna forget about me. Get Ma and Pa on the horn. Tell 'em it's time for 'em to do somethin' wacky again. Geez Louise! What am I gonna do with this guy? Take my client, PLEASE!

 

Gerajester's Motions by amberfunnies 10-08-03
Your honor, Mr Peterson requests that the testimony of the hip-mo-tized witness be excluded because Dr Pennington does therapy for those who have lost their golf balls. Counselor, the Court is fully aware that your client has lost his balls, but I fail to see the relevance to the matter at hand. Where are your pants?	The dog tracking evidence is inadmissible because Merlin was used to track the victim Laci Peterson and not the suspect. The State plans to strew this detritus around this courtroom. Poopitus!! .............. Where are your pants?	Following Mr Geragos' request that the GPS tracking evidence be excluded on the basis of unreliability and inaccuracy... Merlin, you are hereby tasked to track down and retrieve Mr Geragos' pants. The Court demands that a GPS device be subsequently attached to said pants to prevent future offenses by Mr Geragos.

 

The Bonfire of Inanities by amberfunnies 11-04-03
Noted pathologist Dr Michael Baden testifies... Scott Peterson couldn't possibly have launched that boat at the Berkeley Marina in the dark without using the ramp! It's UNAPPROACHABLE! Can I have a swig? No further questions, Your Honor.	Professor William Shields, a virtually unknown ornithologist testifies... That feather could have come from one in any eleven Caucasians! It's INAPPROPRIATE to use science that's biased against the defendant. HAIR!! No further questions, Your Honor.	Jackie is well pleased...................... The Peterson Family cash reserves.... Mark Geragos is GLORIOUS!! I think I'm in love. $$ .... $ .... $ ........ $$$ ....... $ .... $ .... $ .. $ ..... $ ..... $$ ... $$$ ... $

 

Scaught's Metamorphosis by amberfunnies 2-09-04
Guilty Pig Son, your wife and baby are missing! You've GOT to stop eating so much ... especially at the volunteer center. Mmmmff...(gulp)... buuuurrp	My baby!!! You've lost weight! They're not feeding you right in here! Well, this could help. Shave that fuzz off yer face, and I'll take care of the rest! Thanks, Ma!	Bereaved Scapegoat Okay, Winona ... what did you need my help with this time? Mark, it's me Scott! I asked the new barber to give me a more youthful hairstyle, and Ma buys me a bigger suit for each hearing!

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