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| This here story that I am telling right now is about a cool lumberjack. He could cut down trees just by looking at them funny. And all he ever ate was beef. He even drank beef. | |
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| One day he had no more beef left. He got crazy. He had to eat beef evey 10 minutes or he would have epileptic fits. 10 minutes and 1 second later, he had an epileptic fit. | |
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| He needed beef so bad that he started to knaw on his own elbow. He knawed on it for 10 months until a cow walked by for some reason. The lumberjack pounced on the cow and ate it's ears. | |
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| The cow mooed in pain and then body slammed the lumberjack into a cactus. The lumber jack took out a broad sword and blinded the cow. Now the cow stumbled around, swinging his hoofs into air. | |
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| The lumberjack started to bite chunks off the cow. The cow kicked the lumberjack in the face 34 times until he had a heart attack. The cow took off the costume, and it turned out to be Ted Danza. | |
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| (Ted Danza then proceeded to feast on the lumberjack underneath the moonlight) | |
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