How Hot is It? by Spankling 8-09-01

Maura - it's so hot! How do you stand it? Why do you look so fresh all the time? I keep my vibrator in the freezer. So that's the subject for this contest folks. What is? In general, how is the heat effecting you... How are you staying cool.. Just something related to the heat wave. And just to add some pain. Include something about a stupid criminal.

Contest ends approx 72 hours from this time stamp.
Multiple entries are cool.
Enhanced entries are cool but not a rule.

My apologies to those living in cooler areas - please draw on sweltering memories for inspiration.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

CC 52: The Cold Apendage by Drexle 8-09-01

God, it's hot out today... Hey Rog, what's witht that wierd look on your face? And why is your crotch soaking wet? O-o-oh hey M-m-maura! Y-y-you're so sweaty, that y-y-your shirt's p-p-plastered to your b-b-b-boobs! Are you shivering?! What the hell is that all about? Oh, I s-s-s-tole some ice fr-fr-from the g-g-gas station, and I've p-p-p-packed it in m-m-m-my p-p-pants. Ummm... You know, this is probably the one time in my life that I wish I could be in your pants. Y-y-y-eah! And it even m-m-m-makes th-th-the itching go away! M-m-more efec-c-c-tive than th-th-the m-m-med-d-d-ication... *chatter chatter chatter*

Not my real entry.

Yes, I know it's winter down there, but so what by boorite 8-09-01

Rufus, open up. Someone stole my air conditioner, and I'm dissolving into a bubbling puddle of goo. Tough luck, mate, but I can't be arsed to air condition the neighborhood, can I? Uh, Rufus... about your "new" window unit...

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What others say about boorite!

CC 52: Young Men in Heat by kaufman 8-09-01

Man, it's brutal out here. This heat wave won't let up. Did you read about that burglar who was so hot, he locked himself in a freezer? Oh yeah, I tell you, it's not the heat, it's the stupidity. Hey, let's go into my house and cool off. But the power's been out all morning. You won't have any A/C. Not to worry. A 747 flew over earlier, and dropped it's lavatory's entire load. All that shit froze up in the upper atmsphere, and plowed right through my roof. Best as I can tell, the pile's still at about -40 degrees. Feel nice and cool now? Absolutely. Though I must say, I never thought I'd wish for my best friend's house to be hit by an icy BM!

Apologies to Spider Robinson and whomever he stole that gag from.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC52: Punchline writer's block. *grumble* by DexX 8-09-01

Somewhere in a stereotype-laden area of the USA... Well golly-Jesus if it ain't hotter'n mah cousin Josie Belle's underpants today. Ah went ta milk the gosh-darned cow and it went 'n burst inna flames! MOOOO! Meanwhile in the Southern Hemisphere... ...and news just to hand, Roseanne Arnold has melted and flooded a small town in Utah. Blecchhh - deep-fried Mormons. Meanwhile in the third panel... Oh well, let's make the best of a bad situation. Time for lunch. Please get that fried egg off my head...

I hate getting stuck for what to put in the third panel...

*choke*

I also hate it when I forget to include one of the rules! *grumble*

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CC52: Second attempt... by DexX 8-09-01

My goodness it's hot today. I have to get out of the sun before my circuit boards start melting! Gah! I wish I had enough cash to buy some ice cream. I know, I'll steal this guy's wallet... Hey, what are you... Don't touch me! I've been out in the sun... AAAARGH! ...and what kind of pickpocket goes for a metal guy with no pants, anyway? *fizzle!*

No, this one has nothing to do with how the heat affects me personally, but since it was a sunny seventeen degrees celcius in Melbourne today (roughly 68F or so, freaky weather for the middle of winter) I am not really suffering from the heat.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Yeah, this is a blatant ripoff. So if it actually wins (not that it should), DexX can go ahead and do the next contest ...

CC 52: Blatantly stealing DexX's springboard by kaufman 8-09-01

My goodness it's hot today. I have to get out of the sun before my circuit boards start melting! In fact, I do believe I'm literally getting red hot. Oh well, only one way to cool off ... Can't stop or police will catch me. Can't stop or police will catch me. Whose idea was it to hold up the desk sergeant, anyway? RAAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!! One flying tackle and nature taking its course later ... Er, make that POPcornhole you.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Hmmm, never thought of Tobor as a Force of nature before.

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

Rules? Sure, I can follow the rules! Here is yet another losing entry:

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

It's too hot tonight to think for myself, so I just "borrowed" from evil_d and Adam Carolla for this one...

CC 52: The war against the sun continues... by wirthling 8-09-01

Dubya, the war against the sun isn't going well. This heat wave is obviously a counterattack by the sun! Golly, Dick, what are we gonna do? Will drilling for oil in Arlington Cemetery help? Not a bad idea, but I have a better plan. We'll send in a crack team of convicts like they did in "The Dirty Dozen"! Notify the warden at San Quentin that we need some volunteers! Yes, sir, Mr. Presi-- hold it a sec. Ain't I your boss? Operation Solar Storm begins... You got a light, Johnson? Ha ha! Shut up, douchenozzle.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

CC 52: I *will* beat you, Heat! by Drexle 8-09-01

Use your immagination, folks. Dear God, Roger! What are you doing in that parka?! It's like 100 degrees out here! Oh, this? I lifted it from the Burlington Coat Factory... ain't no sale like a five finger discount! Are you insane?! I'm hot just looking at you! Yeah, lookin' at me makes all the ladies hot! But, I figure that if I can't escape the heat, I'm going to *beat* the heat. Do your worst, sunlight!!! Roger, you're going to die from heat stro... *THUD!*

This Blows Chunks by NastyPope 8-09-01

Dear Lord it's hot. Earlier today I fainted from heat exhaustion. That isn't so bad, at least not as bad as what I went through. Oh really, how's that ? I was sooooo disoriented after coming home from my jog I blew chunks. How could vomiting possibly be worse than fainting from heat exhaustion? You don't understand, Chunks is my Dog.

It's cheap but still sorta funny.

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

And a bit late. :- )

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

And a bit late. :- )

It's a very old joke but i was too tired to try somethign new.

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

I can dig it.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Here's my entry:

CC 52 (How Hot is It?): The Plutonium Thieves by fpd 8-10-01

Man, it's as hot as Hades today. Let's get back to our secret hide-out before the heat is on us for stealing that plutonium. How is plutonium supposed to keep us cool, Doc? It's the coldest of the elements, the same stuff that the planet Pluto is made of. After insulating their hideout with the stolen plutonium. Why do I still feel so hot, Doc? The plutonium has been turning into uranium, and ... Oh no, Uranus is a gas giant!

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CC51: IT'S HOT AND MY BALLS ARE SWEATY by crabby 8-10-01

Finally I crabby have found the perfect way to beat the heat. I've just created a robo lincoln to help me pass the time. Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation: Conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Oh no! Someone created a robo John Wilkes Booth and he looks like he's up to no good. Now we are engaged in a great civil war. . .testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated. . . can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. RAAAAAARRRRRR! ROBO JOHN WILKES BOOTH WILL CORNHOLE YOU! Fuck! Not again!

CC 52: Willy Wonka and the Prince of Darkness by BigEvilDan 8-11-01

Did you steal another box of those damn ice cream bars? There's a million dollar prize for getting the right bar. I intend to win that prize. I've never heard of a dumber plan. I swear, hell will freeze over before one of your schemes pays off. I guess you're ri--hey, wait a second. A few minutes earlier... Have you seen my ice cream bar? Hang on, I think I just found a way to deal with this heat wave...

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Please forgive my brevity. Despite preparing for a funeral I got some chuckles out of these. I wanted to vote for DexX because of his deep fried Mormons line, but it didn’t meet all the rules. Thankfully he submitted another comic. So in true Chicago fashion I will say DexX wins because of his legal entry. Anyone got a problem with that can count the ballots – oops the ballot box just exploded.

Anyway, DexX wins.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

*gasp!*

I won? Cool! ...and Gabe accidentally took my planned contest rules only a week ago. *laugh* Wonderful timing... I have some alternative rules, though, which will be up in a few minutes.

Thanks Spanks. :)

PS. Nice to know the DCCVCT still applies - I thought both of mine sucked. *grin* I did like the deep-fried Mormons, though, so I would have liked it as a single-panel...

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