T.I.T.T.I.E.S. is an acronym for the Truth In Titles in Television, Images, and Entertainment System.

Basically, I came up with this acronym to properly categorize my policy of naming movies based on their content. That, and like Dave Chappelle I love titties.

Now, I'm not talking about restriction at all, but I'd like to see more honesty in movie titles. Like, in the next Julia Roberts movie, the title should be "Sappy Shit Your Girlfriend Will Beg You To See". Or, maybe even more accurately, "The Latest Shit You'll See as a Pretext to Getting Laid". Maybe even "Sappy Shit You've Got to Pay For to Get Some".

My challenge to all non-donors and donors who happen to stumble into this public forum:
Make a comic about a previously-made or upcoming movie where you change the title to something more appropriate for it. Hell, do whatever you want, but help me by coming up with TITTIES comics.

Here's a few:

TITTIES Primero by MikeyG 6-02-04

Did you hear they're re-releasing Joel Schumacher's Batman opus on DVD? Yeah, Batman 4Ever will be released in a Special Edition format with the original working title. It's going to be called "Horrible Waste of Millions".

TITTIES Segundo by MikeyG 6-02-04

Coming, Summer of 2004... Roooooose! Rose! Oh Jack, I don't want to die! I love you! Quick, sketch my tits! James Cameron epic "Titanic", rereleased, remastered, and retitled... Rose! Rooooose! ROSE! Something's wrong with the ship! ..."Leo DiCaprio and some Other Motherfuckers Drowning Expensively" Rose! ROOOOSE! *glug glug* Don't leave me, Jack!

C'mon! I know you've got 'em in you!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Oh I got a few.

Charlie Kaufman's "Pretentious For the Fuck of It" by possums 6-02-04

As you can see, I'm trying to make a fortune selling beer that can look inside your soul and say obscure racist slurs! I'll take $300 dollars worth. Whoa! Getting wasted... beer... using third eye... You are an insensitive person who cannot feel emotions towards stupid British people faking American accents or two idiots dancing over a persons comatose body while stoned! Easy-bake nigger! In conclusion, fuck you. Well! I feel like a better person now- WHOA!!! GOING BACK IN TIME!!!! I'm you! Overcoat!

Just to let you know, Mike, I liked Being John Malkovich. But that's it.

"The Movie Sucked the First Time So Here it Is in Reverse" by possums 6-02-04

Aha! So it is! Dr. Kevorkian's paper clip! I've been found out! YES I DO!!! YES!!!!! Do you like nails, little Billy?

"Arty D.A.R.E. Commercial" by possums 6-02-04

We should sell crack I think. You said it! I like diet pills! Hooray for double-sided dildos! We lost it all, obligatory black sidekick. You said it!

TITTIES: Fight Club by Gabu 6-02-04

Coming in October 2004... I am depressed and lonely! To allay this I go to as many self-help groups as I can. I love you. ...the brand new remastering of the deepest movie of 1999, "Fight Club"... You're depressed? No problem! I'll just beat the shit out of you. That'll make it better. Yay! I feel alive again! ..."An Overly Pretentious Movie That Makes No Sense Covered By Its Being Called Philosophical". Then he wanted to blow up some buildings and I didn't want to but then I realized that we were the same person so I killed myself and that killed him and now everything's okay. I love you.

I actually liked the movie. I just thought it made no sense whatsoever.

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Blue is the color of victory.

T.I.T.T.I.E.S. -- FULL THROTTLE!!! by biped 6-02-04

HAI-YAHHH!!! OH, HELP!!! SHE'S BEATING UP ALL FIFTY OF US!!! MOMMY!!! I'm am so sexy you cannot resist me, evil bad guy. AY CHIHUAHUA! MY SINISTER MIND, IT IS CLOUDED BY NAKED LUST! Hi. I'm Drew Barrymore, and I'll be seducing and beating up dozens of guys, too. THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS!!! YOU'LL LOVE... "CHARLIE'S WACKY MASTURBATION FANTASY FOR TOTAL FUCKING GEEKS"!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Fight Club is a metaphor for nonconformity.

Oh, I knew what the point of it was. I just didn't think that the actual events that happened in it made any sense.

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Blue is the color of victory.

Eh, well, it's a bit difficult to explain. Um... let's just say that Tyler is the narrator's evil conscience. Sort of like the devil that sits on his shoulder. Basically what it's saying is that it's good to be different from everyone else but it's not good to get caught up in being different to a point where things become totally irrational and dangerous. That's what I got out of it anyway.

If you want to talk about it more, just pm me.

quote:

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Eh, well, it's a bit difficult to explain. Um... let's just say that Tyler is the narrator's evil conscience. Sort of like the devil that sits on his shoulder. Basically what it's saying is that it's good to be different from everyone else but it's not good to get caught up in being different to a point where things become totally irrational and dangerous. That's what I got out of it anyway.

If you want to talk about it more, just pm me.

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I hate teen movies. by NooniePuuBunny 6-04-04

Coming to theatres near you... OMG! You just didnt! Like, yeah! I just did! ...two little preppy bitches in... Well you can bring it on girlfriend... ...it has already been brought, biotch! ..."Flick Where Cheerleaders Fight and Talk About Their Perky Titties That Only Preps and Horny Males Will Watch" Do you think my titties look perky in this? OMG! LOL! Yah! That top is so cute on you!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

TITTIES**: Open Water by MikeyG 8-20-04

**Truth In Titles of Television, Images, and Entertainment In this movie, two white people go diving, then a mix-up occurs and they're stranded in....yup, you guessed it! OPEN WATER! Then a bunch of sharks swim around. So I've decided to change the title here, but it's a bit of a spoiler. So don't read on if you don't want it spoiled. The new name of Open Water is "She's Naked in the Beginning".

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

TITTIES: 8 Mile. by Derangon 8-21-04

I am white and I am trailor trash. I am superior to you because I have problems. I am black and I will oppress you. I am white and I get beaten up by my mother, my girlfriend has sex with other men and my friend is retarded. I am black and I will oppress you. I can make that rhyme. I am black and I will respect you.

BUAHAHAHAH.

Man Gabu is dumb.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Aliens Versus Predator by Battleganz2 8-23-04

From the makers of the mediocre AVP computer game. In a world where stupid, greedy producers don't feel like making a really good movie out of fear that stupid yuppies won't waste their money because the film is to "complicated" for their overpaid.... Something is stirring, something more creepy than suddenly realizing that you are the single most intelligent being in the entire theatre...

Why Commercials For Disney Movies Suck by niteowl 8-23-04

...listen to what the critics are saying... "Tickles your funny bone! A heartwarming story the whole family can enjoy!" Blah blah blah...gee, where have I heard those ringing endorsements before? "The best animated film since Finding Nemo!" Uh, Finding Nemo was released only a month ago...

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

T.I.T.T.I.E.S.***: Shark Tale by MikeyG 8-24-04

***Truth In Titles, Television, Images, and Entertaiment System I'm sure a few of you have seen commercials or previews for the upcoming DreamWorks animated movie, Shark Tale. Well, TITTIES has taken it upon itself to retitle the movie based solely on the commercials. The new title is "Blaxploiting Nemo". Enjoy.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.