Okay, this is a collaborative effort between myself, ClashTheStampede, Interlocking_Man, and sabuwolf. It all started with a fight between CTS and myself as to what colour Godzilla was. This series quickly escalated from our argument. I'm gonna add it in here one chapter per post. Of course, the storyline is completely ad-hoc, and the "chapters" are determined afterwards.

CTS appears in the series as "Matt", ILM appears as "Steve", yours truly as "R2", and sabuwolf as the bomb.

The series title, "Caffeine Reactor", means absolutely nothing. CTS came up with the name, so blame him.

Oh, and although we kinda drifted away for a few months, the series is still in progress at the time of this posting.

Chapter 0: Prelude to Amiss

R2's Adventures in IMing, Vol. 0: w/ Apologies to Annie Hall by r2_d2 3-10-04

R2 Argues Via Instant Messenger (Actual Conversation): "Godzilla is blue in colour." "you mean blue with shades of yellow, right?" Meanwhile, 500 Miles of Fiber-optic Cable Away: [various frames from Godzilla vs King Kong, which was filmed in colour] "That's technicolor of a B&W film" You know nothing of my work. Wow, Godzilla! In my own living room!  Can I get a photo to prove I really met you?  I'll have to run it through Photoshop, though, you're looking a little green.

Steps of an Argument by ClashTheStampede 4-01-04

ClashTheStampede Presents: The Steps of an Argument with Artoo... Step 1 - Sarcastic Confusion I can't understand why you think that way. It was my understanding that my point of view is not only correct, but also common knowledge. Part 2 - Angry Criticism You are just unable to accept the fact that you are wrong! Face facts! Part 3 - Grudging Acceptance of Mutual Differences Fine. Be that way. You're Right. You're always right.

R2 vs. Matt, Round 3 by r2_d2 4-01-04

Continued from www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/220795 Fine. Be that way. You're Right. You're always right. But only about your choice of characters to portray me in this panel. Well, I don't want to overinflate your ego ... So I'll tell you that I only picked it because of the unhumanly emaciated physique. Har-de-har-har.  I'd like to see you make pleated culottes look this good.

R2 vs. Matt, Round 4 by ClashTheStampede 4-01-04

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/220799 OK. I'll grant you that you make Kate Moss look like Jabba the Hutt. All right. Now admit that I look damn sexy with this beard, waistcoat, and pocketwatch. Dude, you may have the stunning good looks of Marty Feldman, but you have none of his class.

R2 vs. Matt, Round 5 by r2_d2 4-01-04

Continued from www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/220804 Dude, you may have the stunning good looks of Marty Feldman, but you have none of his class. Who needs class when you've got style? Did someone say "style"?  I might be able to be of assistance on that. Wow! It's Steve, the Angel of Sarcasm! I don't know how this series got this far without you. Hey!  The sarcasm bit is mine!  Don't try to horn in on my racket!

---
[This .sig intentionally left blank]

Chapter 1: Life in Hell

STEVE JOINS THE FRAY WITH A CHAIR IN HAND! by Interlocking_Man 4-01-04

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/r2_d2/220805 What the- Yeah, I figured I'd save you the trip. You know, I'm this close to unsealing a tin of whoop-ass on you. Psh. You amish guys don't allow yourselves the technology to open any cans. Through limited living, one can lead a lifelong legacy. And we all know you're the embodiment of "limited."

R2 vs. Matt: Geht zu Teufel by ClashTheStampede 4-01-04

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ Interlocking_Man/220811 The Amish don't have mustaches. I, however, have a small mustache, if you'll notice. Hmmmm... There appears to be some mistake, then. Well, if you aren't supposed to be here, then who... Not so fast... Crap.

7734206 by r2_d2 4-01-04

Continued from www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/220815 Wait!  I'm to young to die! Shut up!  From this point on, you're not allowed to talk any more. Well, I since I led a virtuous, Christian life, I shouldn't worry, right?  "Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death..." Yeah, just keep telling yourself that. Welcome to the Afterlife.  I'm your Angelic Guide, Steve, and I'll be keeping you company for the rest of Eternity. I always said Sisyphus got off easy.  Turns out I was right

Matt learns the shocking truth... by ClashTheStampede 4-01-04

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ Interlocking_Man/220821 All my life, I was a good Catholic! I followed every rule! How could I wind up in Hell?! Catholic? That was your first problem, there. You could at least have tried a decent religion, like Mormonism or Scientology. Somewhere in Utah... You need to get married to do a three-way now?! What a difference 75 million years inside a volcano makes!

Interlocking r2 Stampede, vol. 8 or something by Interlocking_Man 4-01-04

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/r2_d2/220819 I don't know how I got shoehorned into this job, but I may as well make the most of it. Sweetness, sho' nuff, fo' shizzle. What da dilly, yo? This is your first punishment. No more Queen's English for you for a couple centennia. D'zammit.

[Click to view comic: 'Eighth Amendment Rights']
[Click to view comic: 'At least, that's what I heard']
[Click to view comic: 'Meanwhile...']

---
[This .sig intentionally left blank]

Chapter 2: The Test

You'd Think Hell'd Have a Lock, or At Least a Wall Somewhere by r2_d2 4-02-04

Continued from www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/220959 Well, if no one else is around, I'm gonna make a break for it. I'll just check my back ... It looks clear.  I'm gone. Um, hi there.  I'm not really supposed to be here.  They told me I could leave, since I haven't done anything.  Really Trying to escape, eh?  Well, thou shalt not pass until thou canst answer me these riddles three.  Art thou ready for Question the First?

Der LoveGod Fragte R2 die Frage by ClashTheStampede 4-03-04

Continued from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/r2_d2/221013 Yes. Ok. Now I'm ready for the second riddle. Second riddle!? I haven't even asked you the first riddle yet. You asked me if I was ready for "Question the first?". Technically that's the first question. Hell, no. You missed the point, my waif-like friend. Just give me a moment to think of a good riddle... Hours Pass... Look, I thought I came here for three riddles! Oh, I'm sorry, this is abuse.

Question: The First by sabuwolf 4-09-04

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/221199 So... ask me the g-ddamn question! I have a Tony's Pizza in the oven and diet iced tea somewhere in the living oom. Don't rush me noob! Don't make me go medieval on your ass. Well... Ok... What's Red, White, and Blue, bounces, shakes, jiggles and quakes, and the mere sight of it could drive a man insane? Wonder Woman's chest. I got that one after you said the colors. yep... I also would have accepted Captain America on a mechanical bull.

Penguin-- er, *Question* the Second by r2_d2 4-09-04

Continued from www.stripcreator.com/comics/ sabuwolf/222776 Could we hurry it up a little?  I really do need to be going! Why are you in such a rush? I left my computer running seven days ago when I got dragged here.  I need to get home and virus-check it. You're not fooling me, R2.  Everyone knows you're a Linux user. And before you ask, "Why are you in such a rush?" did not count as Question the Second. Get on with it! Or else I'll have to fsck you in the BASH.

R2 Leaves Hell... Maybe by ClashTheStampede 4-09-04

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/r2_d2/222788 All right! I can see you mean business! Therefore I'm going to have to refer you to a higher authority. I suppose you mean G-d? Guess again, wiseass. Third question, eh? Howzabout this one - Where can I get a good martini in this state? Then get your thetan ass in a convertible, because we're goin' to VEGAS! I don't care how many planets he's destroyed. If he doesn't like gin martinis, I'll kick his ass.

---
[This .sig intentionally left blank]

Chapter 3: The Hall of Mirrors

I See Your True Colours, Shining Through by r2_d2 4-09-04

Continued from www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/222809 Okay, your next punishment is called the "Hall of Mirrors":  You must walk down this corridor, and look into each mirror.  They will reveal your true inner self. Oooh! Sounds like fun! I'm probably a sex magnet, or a king, or something important like that. Hot damn! First thing out of here, I'm going to Richard Gere's house!

Aw, Nuts! by ClashTheStampede 4-10-04

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/r2_d2/222810 A squirrel? What the heck is that supposed to *mean*, anyways? Well, the first mirror reveals one's "spirit animal." It defines who you are. A squirrel means you're nuts, or you like nuts, or you like to hide your nuts. Maybe it means I have really *big* nuts! You sad, pathetic little man. May God have mercy on your soul.

While the Clash is away... by sabuwolf 4-11-04

Meanwhile... while Clash goes to "find himself" in the Hall of Mirrors HEY! Where'd the geeky Euro-trash-wannabe go to? I was just about to cast a spell of eternal torment on him. Oh, he's off in the Hall of Mirrors. I told him he could find stuff there... you know... like spirit animals, long lost loved ones, expired coupons, tuna fish... Doesn't it just have...like... a bunch of angry squirls and some big stupid mirrors that you stole from people's yards on 'Spring Clean-up Day'? Yeah. These's also those raccoon-sized NYC subway rats that got loose in there last week, "Milton: the Lining Pond Scum," and the entire population of New Jersey. But you *did* say he was a law student... Right? Oh, hell yeah... he'll fit right in! He may even come back claiming to have had a religious experience!

---
[This .sig intentionally left blank]

Chapter 4: The Big House

R2 Learns the Key to Leadership by ClashTheStampede 4-12-04

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ClashTheStampede/223322 R2 and Xenu continue their search for a car... So what is it like to be dictator of the universe? It's great, but it comes with a lot of responsibility. When you make any decision, there a lot of people out there that you have to consider. Fairness and justice always come before personal interests. Which is why you have to be a leader with the highest moral sensibilities! Quick, give me a coat hanger! I want this BMW!

R2 and Xenu in "The Road to Vegas" by r2_d2 4-12-04

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/223325 Okay, so this is the car you wanna take to Vegas? Yeah.  Sweet ride, innit? I don't think that's a good idea. What makes you say that, my lad? Well, if Grand Theft Auto: Vice City has taught me nothing else, it's that if you're gonna steal a car, you do it when there aren't any cops around. That and how much the 80s rocked. Vice City?  I thought the only video games you played were on the Atari 2600?

Xenu sleeps it off. by sabuwolf 4-12-04

Continued from:http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/223330 Thanks a TON, jackass! I told you that we couldn't steal a cop car with a policeman still inside it! Oh, sure... sue me for being ambitious! A night in the tank never hurt anybody! I know a lawyer who can have us out and stealing vacant cop cars by noon tomorrow. I promise! Oh, no you don't! When we get out of here, we're going to get to Las Vegas by stealing what *I* want to steal. You screwed up ROYAL, and you're not doing it again! OK...OK... Geez! What the $@#* is your problem anyway... They only printed me, since they thought you were a minor thanks to your scrawny physique. I guess you're right. It sucks, but at least we can be on the road by tomorrow morni... Hold that thought and start gringing your belt buckle into a shiv... one of the "townies" is comin' toward us...!

A little help from your friends by ClashTheStampede 4-12-04

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ sabuwolf/223388 You maggots better have some money! Why certainly, sir! AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA!!! And while you're here, enjoy this lovely dose of gamma radiation! Did you have to burn him alive? I'm sorry. I forgot to let you get in a shot with the shiv, didn't I?

The Art of War by r2_d2 4-12-04

Continued from www.stripcreator.com/ comics/ClashTheStampede/223401 So we're getting out in the morning? Yeah, but it's not gonna be pretty when we do. Why's that? Well, we were on the news last night.  Scientologists have been waiting seventy-five million years for me to escape from imprisonment. So we'll probably have an army of Scientologists assembled outside the jailhouse waiting to kill us in the morning. Hell, I'm sure we can take 'em.  As long as I get to shiv Barbarino.

[Click to view comic: 'Xenu takes flight']
[Click to view comic: 'Game Theory']
[Click to view comic: 'The Master Plan']

---
[This .sig intentionally left blank]

Chapter 5: The Jailbreak

The Jailbreak, Part I by r2_d2 4-13-04

Continued from www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/223577 Die, lacky of Xenu! Wait! You're not Travolta! No, I'm Jenna Elfman. What are you doing here? They put me on the front lines of the Anti-Xenu Brigade as punishment for Looney Tunes: Back in Action. Because it only grossed $21-mil, right?

The Jailbreak, Part II by ClashTheStampede 4-13-04

Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/223580 Jenna, efore you kill me, I would like you to have these. Um, Thanks, I think. What are they? They're... Um... the lost writings of L. Ron Hubbard! I took them from Xenu. Wow! Let me see: "Eat one of these postage stamps to attain the highest level of Scientology." I can't believe she fell for that! But she believed in Scientology, didn't she? Wait 'til Travolta tries THIS!

The Girl ... with KaLEIdoscope ... EYES! by r2_d2 4-13-04

You know the deal.  Continued from www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/223602 Hey! You're not Jenna Elfman! That's right.  I'm Lucy. Lucy? In the Sky with Diamonds. You ... weren't ... supposed to ... take them ... yourself, R2. Damn.  You need a new toupee, Mr. Shatner.

Friendly Advice by ClashTheStampede 4-13-04

R2 conuinues his high from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/223605 Wow... this is... ... so trippy. Meanwhile... Greetings, Xenu! I, Tom Cruise, have waited a long time to destroy you! Did I say Thetan? [blip] I meant Cretin! [breep] Quickly, while he's distracted! SHIV HIM! SHIV HIM! Is the shiv an extension... of me?... Or... Am I... an extension of the shiv?

The Creshendo!!!!! by sabuwolf 4-13-04

Continued from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/223609 Sweet Yeshua! It's Travolta! I've come for the one they call Xenu! Hand him and his magical stamps of enlightenment over and I promise not to hurt you! However, I do plan to make a sequel to "Battlefield Earth," because I think it didn't get a fair... (pst) Mark... I know you're on a heavy acid... I mean 'postal'... trip, but I need you to shiv him when I give the intergalactic signal for... Sweet Yeshua! It's Xenu! Prepare to watch all my movies! F#ck it! SHIV HIM NOW! If I have to see "Broken Arrow" another f#cking time I'll shiv myself!

[Click to view comic: 'Shiver Me Timbers!']
[Click to view comic: 'Shivs are Red, Violence are Blue...']
[Click to view comic: 'Travolta's Last Stand']
[Click to view comic: 'Let's Blow This Joint!']
[Click to view comic: 'The Naked Truth']
[Click to view comic: 'Back on the Road Again']
[Click to view comic: 'The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades']
[Click to view comic: 'The Great Journey']
[Click to view comic: 'Going Like a Matt out of Hell...']

---
[This .sig intentionally left blank]

Chapter 6: The Heist

This Strip Is *Not* Here. Understood? by r2_d2 4-15-04

Continued from www.stripcreator.com/ comics/ClashTheStampede/224015.  R2 and Xenu have been wandering the Nevada desert for quite some time now. Sweet! We've found Area 51!  Now we don't need a car—this is where I parked my spaceship. So you've been working with the United States Air Force? Oh, hell no.  They'd kill me just like the Scientologists.  That's why I'll have to create a diversion while you sneak in.  One of these stones is fake, the keys are inside it. I've noticed every one of your plans involves me being placed in peril of life, limb, and/or imprisonment, while all you do is stand there.  Why is that? I saved the decoy. That's not answering my question!

One Decoy, Two Decoy, Three Decoy, Four! by sabuwolf 4-16-04

Continued from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/r2_d2/224032 Xenu and Mark attempt to find the fake, key-containing stone which will grant them access to Area 51. Jez-zus! Stop being such a freaking pu$$y about EVERYTHING! Just because I set up a decoy and leave you in the middle of a minefield with attack dogs doesn't mean you're at any greater risk than me! The hell it doesn't! I'm not hunting for any f#cking plastic rock or creating any f#cking diversion to cover your ass! Make me a decoy or I'll shiv you! WOAH! No reason to get violent here. We're pals, right? (nervous laughter) Lemme see here... I might have a decoy that suits you. Would it make you happy if I found a decoy for you? (gulp!) Damn skippy! Now cough up the decoy and let's get to stealing some impounded government property! Later... Hey sugar-laden tea additive! Why don't (*click*) we go back to my (*whirl*) locale of residency and generate (*buzz*) sweet, sweet procreation. Baby got pronounced gluteus (*beep*) maximus! Um... hello? I'm not really a decoy; I'm an angel. Any chance you saw an American speaking German and wearing a British shirt while trying to pick up an French supermodel? I kinda lost one recently.

How Much Is That Doggie in the Hangar? by r2_d2 4-17-04

Continued from www.stripcreator.com/ comics/sabuwolf/224162.  Having snuck in the back door to Area 51, R2 searches for Xenu's ship. Arf! Arf! Shit! The guarddogs have found me!  I'll just turn around slowly, and ... That's strange.  I'd have expected a German shepherd or a rottweiler, not a beagle. Yeah, well, the Air Force's entire budget's been blown on Iraq.  I'm all they could afford. But you can talk.  That's gotta make you worth something. The German shepherds and the rots have a union.

R2 Goes to the Dogs by ClashTheStampede 4-17-04

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/224171 - R2 Placates the Guard Dog If the other dogs can unionize, you can, too! "Beagles of the world, unite!", and all that! It's not all that easy! There are logistical problems as well as the fundamental difficulties of union dues, etc. And, um... Don't tell anyone I said this... but... That bitch Snoopy is a HUGE scab.

Street Legal by r2_d2 4-17-04

Continued from www.stripcreator.com/ comics/ClashTheStampede/224219 So anyway, do you know where Xenu's ship is kept? Oh, sure.  It is what I'm guarding, after all. Well, would you be willing to show me where it is? I suppose, but there is one small problem. The tail lights are burnt out? Yeah.  And have you ever tried finding a filling station that sells leaded petrol?

[Click to view comic: 'Like a Shadow in the Night']
[Click to view comic: 'Can You Believe We've Done *50* of These Things Already?']