Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to one-up John 3:16. Create your own Bible verse that people would want to place on signs and hold up during football games. Don't worry, Jesus is totally cool with it.

Little stupid annoying rules:

- New comics only.

- Series are acceptable, as long as they contain 5 comics or fewer. I'm too lazy to read more than that.

- Umm... running out of rules here... how about: No references to Prince Albert in a can!

Judging will be next Monday, April 3 before 5pm. The winner shall be showered with praise and flowers at that time.

This message will now destruct.

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I has a flavor!

UnknownEric 4:12

And the lord doth give comic contests to the unworthy.

by crabby, 3-28-06

And The Lord Sayeth by LuckyGuess 3-28-06

And little league fathers shall be drunk and belligerent. The Winners are gonna win, bitch! The Tigers are taking it this time, you fat fucker!

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

Biblical Outtakes by choadwarrior 3-28-06

For God so loved the world, He gave it Judas... that whosoever pays him 50 pieces of silver shall nip that pesky Christianity cult in the bud for all eternity... It didn't take. Hey, we've been ignoring God's will since Adam & Eve.

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Though shalt findeth me in the club.

by dcomposed, 3-28-06

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Batman created by Bob Kane

More Biblical Outtakes by choadwarrior 3-28-06

What the fuck is that? It's Lot's wife... turned into a pillar of salt by God. She kinda looks like a dude. They were fleeing Sodom.

all I could think of... by Humpenstein 3-28-06

Thou shalt not tell your parents.

CC316 : Finn 4:3

Jesus came upon the women in the town and spake unto them : LADIES !!! PUT UR HANDS IN TEH AIR!!!! AND WAVE 'EM LIKE YA JUS DON'T CAAARE!!!

by finn34, 3-28-06

CC 316 : Finn 3:4

... and Jesus spake thusly : GET CRUNKDAFIED!!!!!!!!

by finn34, 3-28-06

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Our liability coverage is zero. Our balls however are enormous.

RCL no. 961 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 3-29-06

When I first heard that the new Comic Contest was based on John 3:16, I thought it was really lame idea! Oh, my! Then, I figured out that it was appropriate since this CC: 316. So, Butch... Have you come up with a good Bible verse? No... But, I see the Rubber Tree is having a sale on razor-blade dildos!

How it all began

What time is it John? 3:16

by The_young_scot, 3-29-06

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

Groovy! - John 3:16, Jane 0 (Part One) by edoggydog 3-29-06

...then, I says, "Them fish ain't gonna catch themselves!" After that, I smote the whole lot of them dumbasses... Groovy! So, my son... What can I do for you? I need a new Bible verse to win CC:316... Okay... Try this: (whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper ) Wow! That's absolute GENIUSNESS!

Groovy! - John 3:16, Jane 0 (Part Two) by edoggydog 3-29-06

...so, I says, "1001 0110 11011?" And, she says, "10101!" Then, we went back to the crib and I ended up downloading all over her motherboard, if you know what I mean! Groovy! By the way... What did Jesus give you for a winning new Bible verse? (whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper ) Really? That's got to be the DUMBEST thing I've ever heard! Don't judge lest you yourself be judged, bucket-head!

Groovy! - John 3:16, Jane 0 (Part Three) by edoggydog 3-29-06

...then, I says, "Don't knock it until you've tried it!" To wit, Pete bent over and let me drill him in the ass with my curling iron. Hot. Groovy! Anyhooooooo... You said Jesus gave you a new Bible verse that is guaranteed to win CC: 316? Okay, lay it on me... (whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper ) Uhhh... What?

Groovy! - John 3:16, Jane 0 (Part Four) by edoggydog 3-29-06

...and, it was at that uncomfortable moment I found out that attitudechicka is really a MAN! Groovy! So, dude... You say you have the "winning" new Bible verse? Well, let's hear it... (whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper ) That blows, dude! [CLICK!!] UnknownEric..? Hello..?

Groovy! - John 3:16, Jane 0 (Finale) by edoggydog 3-29-06

"Be sureth thoust drinketh thy Ovaltine"??? Ha, ha!

If the Bible was a Comic Competion by fzh 3-29-06

Thou shalt make thine comics about how good I am. Thou shalt not present thine used comics as offerings. Thou shalt not worship false comics. Thou may worship in however many strips thou please. Judgement shall occur in a few thousand years.

Faith Lift by Cre8tive13 3-30-06

God..... I'm here for your help! I NEED a faith lift. God can help you see the light... Are you thaying that God will anther my prayerths and allow me to afford a faith lift? Even God couldn't have seen that coming.

CC 316: Snooping by NeoVid 3-30-06

Snoop Dogg recently announced that he is converting to Judaism. Now that he is learning Hebrew, his catchphrase will change from, "Fo' shizzle, my nizzle," to "Fo' sheyzel, my neyzel."

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

One Day at a Cardinals Game by kaufman 3-30-06

Hey ref, what do you mean wide right? Are you blind or something? Relax, my son, even with that blown call, the Lord will officiate with justice. Huh? What do you mean? Remember Genesis 1:4 ... "And God saw it was good."

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

RCL no. 965 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 3-30-06

And, so the Lord sayeth... "Let not thy heart be troubled, for I am the light and the way. And, for those who shall believe in me, you shall be able to speaketh in TONGUE." *BUUUUUURRRP!!*

jonny boy by mattmallone 3-31-06

after the translation of old scrolls found in some well old timecapsule found by dan brown.. we have discovered severel new findings 1-jesus's real name was Dj esus, and is a direct descendant of snoop dog 2- he wasnt crucified, but in fact died a long slow painful death of bad aids 3-finally, our greatest find was that he didnt actually exist at all, therefore all of you sad cunts here, have wasted your whole life for shit. matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

quote:

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jonny boy by mattmallone 3-31-06

after the translation of old scrolls found in some well old timecapsule found by dan brown.. we have discovered severel new findings 1-jesus's real name was Dj esus, and is a direct descendant of snoop dog 2- he wasnt crucified, but in fact died a long slow painful death of bad aids 3-finally, our greatest find was that he didnt actually exist at all, therefore all of you sad cunts here, have wasted your whole life for shit. matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

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jonny boy by mattmallone 3-31-06

after the translation of old scrolls found in some well old timecapsule found by dan brown.. we have discovered severel new findings 1-jesus's real name was Dj esus, and is a direct descendant of snoop dog 2- he wasnt crucified, but in fact died a long slow painful death of bad aids 3-finally, our greatest find was that he didnt actually exist at all, therefore all of you sad cunts here, have wasted your whole life for shit. matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

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Wow it started out being borderline offensive, although I can kinda see where someone could consider it humor, but where a punchline should be I instead find a rant about the philosophy of science that is completely inconsistant with the rest of the comic and totally devoid of humor. To top it off, it's quite wordy. I aplaud your skills at making horrible comics.

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Class Reunion by crabby 3-31-06

Hey, how's it going. I have a vague recollection of who you are. Do you remember me? I'm pretty average and do my best, but I wouldn't say its anything special. Yeah, I remember you, you're the wordy mutherfucker that I don't find funny or intelligent. Why don't you go fuck yourself. I'm right and I'm obviously right. Yeah, instead of just taking it in stride I'm gonna let everyone at this class reunion know that I'm right and you're wrong too. Thats what I learned from reading Lucjan 3:12. I'm not sure I'm familiar with that. It says, "I'm an asshole."

...and i forgot to put a divider on the final frame.

3:16 by Cre8tive13 3-31-06

3:16. You? Still 2:13 Scriptures? Nah, it's the girl to boy ratio of the children we've molested

quote:

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...and i forgot to put a divider on the final frame.

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CC 316: Wild vs. Blues by niteowl 3-31-06

Did you make a sign for the game? Yep. What does it say? "Peter 4:20" And that stands for...? "To the 5 fucktards in Section 108 who are trying to start The Wave by themselves: Sit your drunk asses down already, we aren't joining in."

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

RCL no. 966 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 3-31-06

...on the eighth day, Dad created gravitons, and- Gravitons? Don't interrupt! I'm telling you how to generate them with self-spinning rotor turbines... Aw, fuck it! Just look it up in the Bible, dipwad... Where? Re-Genesis 3:16. *BUUUURRRP!*