Sorry I took so long to get another contest up, but I was having a hard time thinking of good one. So instead of doing that, I came up with this:

CHILDREN'S ENTERTAINMENT (COMICS, STORYBOOKS, PILOTS FOR TV CARTOONS OR KID'S SHOWS, ETC.) THAT HAS BEEN REJECTED AS UNSUITABLE FOR VARIOUS REASONS.

Please keep series to five comics or less. No photoshop. Extra points if you include the phrase, "Oh, my achin' balls!"

As always, anyone who posts a link to a previous contest in which this idea has already been used will be automatically DISQUAYLFED!!!

I hope you will find this idea conducive to fruitful imaginings.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

RCL no. 1179 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-03-06

So, boss, my "groovy" idea for a new children's instructional comic book deals with the fragility of little boys' testicles... It's called, Oh, My Achin' Balls! In it, the main character's name is Gabe, and he's always getting nailed in the nuts! HAHAHAHAHAHA... I'm laughing just thinking about it!

Groovy! - Randumb Comik Lameout no. 1179 (Part Deux) by edoggydog 7-03-06

"I've been mulling over you're idea for a new children's instructional comic book, Oh, My Achin's Balls!..." Groovy! "And, the idea of a guy name Gabe getting nailed in the nuts all the time is just (ha, ha)... Just (ha, ha, ha)... I mean...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..." I'm glad you like it! "Like it? It's got to be the LAMEST idea for a comic book I've ever heard! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..." Oh.

Scooters and Mr. Death by boloboffin 7-03-06

Hi, boys and girls! Wowzers, do we have a relly neato show today! That's right, Scooters. We're going to infect you with my latest version of Ebola. Ebola-tastic! Will it still liquidate my internal organs into an infected goo that bursts out of my every orifice? Well, of course, Scooters! That's a standard feature of Ebola... I don't see how it could get any worser than that, Mr. Death!! Can you say Oh, My Aching Balls?

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

Groovy! - Randumb Comik Lameout no. 1179 (Part Tres) by edoggydog 7-04-06

"Well, against my better judgement, why don't you show me a sample of your new children's instructional comic book..." Groovy! Lesson #46: Little Girls and Bathroom Etiqette You left the fucking toilet seat up again, ASSHOLE!! Hiiiiiiiiiiii-YA!! Yeeeeee-OUCH! Oh, my achin' BALLS!! "I... I... I don't really know what to (ahem) say..." Don't say anything! Let's just enjoy this moment silently...

Rejected Advert. by UnknownEric 7-05-06

Hey kids, do you like playing with balls? Sure. Fuck yeah! Then try Akin Balls, from Whammo! No thanks. I'd rather not. They're so fun, you'll say... Oh, my! Akin balls!

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I has a flavor!

Groovy! - Randumb Comik Lameout no. 1179 (Part Quatro) by edoggydog 7-05-06

"After seeing a sample of you new children's instructional comic book, Oh, My Achin' Balls!, I've made a decision about your future here..." Groovy! [Fifteen minutes later...] Well..? "You still here?" Oh, shit.

RCL no. 1185 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-05-06

[RCL no. 1179 - Finale] So, how did your boss react to your idea for a new children's instructional comic book? Not "groovy"... How so? He kicked me in the nuts after I showed him! Oh, my! Achin' balls!

Achin' Balls by Redeye 7-06-06

Coming this fall to Cartoon Network a show so good it'll leave you saying... Oh, my achin' balls. Ryan Seacrest and who the fuck cares it already has Ryan Seacrest in... Oh, my achin' balls. Well... Did you like it. Fuck No. Get the fuck out.

CC 326: menopause hit Sherry Lewis like a son of a bitch by mandingo 7-06-06

we've secretly replaced this fat kid's thermos full of hot chocolate with a severe beating from a large Phillipian man. let's watch... "i'll trade you my pean budder an jel..¡Al INFIERNO CON SU P B Y J!" oooooo! that ain't growing back

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what if nigger meant kite

lost Dr Seuss books by AngryAmerican 7-07-06

Look baby! Mommy got you a new book! A Dr. Seuss book she found in the cut out bin for 10 cents. You want mommy to read it to you? Yes you do! *gurgle* Its called 'My Achin Balls'. Hmm, odd title. Well, here we go! "I have to walk funny today. I am walking funny some folks might say. With a kind of lurch and a grunt of pain... ...My achin balls drive me insane."?...What the hell?... "They slap to the left and they slap to the right, I should switch to briefs cuz they fit so tight." OK, mommy's not readin anymore of this. *goo*

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Kill Whitey.

CC 326: Pete n Jay: Media Studies by CheerUpEmoKid 7-08-06

What are you up to now? Pretending to be a supermodel on chatterbox.com again? ...How did you... anyway, no. I'm editing my exam piece for my media studies project. Which is... I'm making a show, where parents live out their dreams. A+, here I come! Ouch! What are you doing with that vice grip...? Daddy? Don't do that! OH MY GOD, MY ACHIN' BALLS!

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"Cerebral ... does that mean your heart?"

Public Broadcasting by HCRoyall 7-08-06

Due to legal issues, Happy Doggy is no longer on the air. We at PBS would like to present The Uncle Harry Show! Hey kid, come here and help Uncle Harry take care of his blue achin' balls... Due to legal issues. The Uncle Harry Show is no longer on the air...

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

CC 326: Only $19.95 by niteowl 7-08-06

New, from Hasbro...life-size talking War On Terror dolls! Now you can blow the shit out of them sand niggers, or behead those capitalist swine in your very own home! You control the fun-filled action! Take a look! DIE RAGHEAD, DIE! DIE FAT AMERICAN, DIE! Roadside bombs, American flags, WMDs, Mission Accomplished banners, and batteries sold separately.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

I was asked to post this for Humpenstein.

"Oh my achin' balls" as performed by doctor suess by Humpenstein 7-07-06

Some hippies in california; all skuttled and skittled. Are passing their peace pipes; their groins stay unfiddled. One reaches for a pipe, but he stumbles and falls; the hippie he lands on screams, "OH MY ACHIN' BALLS!"

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

That's So Ashley IX by qwertyuio 7-10-06

On a very special episode of "That's So Ashley" Ashley meets pop superstar Clay Aiken. Wow! Clay Aiken hey But will she like what she sees? Oh my! Aiken's balls! Ooh, it's windy out here. Meanwhile, Damian makes a new friend. So how do we play this choking game? Well I'll be happy to show you. You did bring a plastic bag like I said, right?

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I think it's time I had a talk with my kids. I'll just tell 'em what my daddy told me: YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA AMOUNT TO NOTHIN'

(more) Dr Seuss's "Oh, My achin Balls" by AngryAmerican 7-10-06

I was workin in my shop with hammer and vise, when i slipped with the hammer not once, but twice. It didn't feel nice. I was flying through the trees over a ranch when i flew too close to a tree and snagged my yambag on a branch. I went to the vet just past dawn. i woke up hours later and my danglers were gone. But if it was my boys they did take, why does my furry coinpurse still ache? I rescued this cat who was stuck up a tree. Oh why did he bite my sack and scratch the shit out of me? I was skipping through the woods in search of honey sweet, but when i found it the bees stung my potatoes and meat. There was new guy today on the farm. I thought it odd he only had one arm. He tried to milk me, and don't that beat all. Oh my achin balls.

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Kill Whitey.

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

The inspiration for this series is a real children's book called Everyone Poops. It is apparently one of my little nephew's favorite books, and I ended up reading it to him once.

CC326: Shit Happens to Everyone, part i by fpd 7-10-06

Shit happens to bunnies. Won't anyone stop for me? The balls of my feet are aching from hours of hopping. Shit happens to canaries. Shit even happens to choirboys. Now that wasn't so bad, was it? Oh, my achin' balls!

CC326: Shit Happens to Everyone, part ii by fpd 7-10-06

Shit happens to Philosophy Ph.D.'s. I'll analyze your axiological axioms and your epistemological presuppositions for a buck, sir. Why didn't you major in something useful, boy, like business? Shit happens to soldiers. Shit even happens to priests. Did you think you were going to get away with what you were doing to the choirboys? Now you can burn in hell as a piece of bacon! Ha, ha, ha! Mea culpa!

CC326: Shit Happens to Everyone, part iii by fpd 7-10-06

Shit happens to space explorers. But this is not what humans look like. I'm not supposed to have a fish for a hand. You are the first DNA based species we have encountered. We did the best we could to fix you up after the crash. Shit happens to cripples. But I thought that being handicapped didn't matter to you. Of course it doesn't. I'm not the one who is shallow. I don't like you because you're so shallow you prefer a pretty girl like me to an ugly cripple like yourself. Shit even happens to little girls. Hold still while I give you this shot up your butt. No, stay away from me, lady!

CC326: Shit Happens to Everyone, part iv by fpd 7-10-06

Shit happens to men. My good man, why don't you put that knife down before someone gets hurt. Don't worry. I'll make this as painless for you as possible. Shit happens to psycho killers. You don't like my flowers? What did you do to my boyfriend, you psycho? Shit even happens to women. Well, if that's the way you're going to be, you can go join him. What? Did you say something about flowers? I love them! Daisies are my favorites!

CC326: Shit Happens to Everyone, part v by fpd 7-10-06

Shit happens to bulls. Shit happens to bears. Shit happens to everyone eventually.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Jesus by yellowdart 7-11-06

Yo J-Dawg. Why you be having such a good body? Heroine. On teh realz? Yup. So, you be the original Kate Moss an all that then huh? What's a Kate Moss?

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I don't use drugs; my dreams are frightening enough.

This one looks done. Judging in a day or two unless new entries start pouring in.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

You may remember Goofus and Gallant from Highlights magazine. Goofus is the bad boy, and Gallant is the good boy. In side by side panels, they illustrate the difference between bad behavior and good behavior. I suspect these never got into the magazine.

CC326: Goofus & Gallant, part i by fpd 7-13-06

Goofus talks back to his teachers. But I didn't do it, I tell ya. Why do you always blame me when something happens? It's not fair! That's enough from you, young man. You can also tell the principal that you have been sassing me. Gallant respects authority. Goofus has been shooting spitballs, m'am. That's against the rules, isn't it? Thank you for telling me, Gallant. I wish more children had your scruples.

CC326: Goofus & Gallant, part ii by fpd 7-13-06

Goofus enjoys having sex with girls. Hey Suzy, let's go up in the hayloft and have a good time. Gallant knows sex is naughty. Sex is sooo naughty. And it is dirty too. Naughty and dirty. So, are you a naughty girl? Are you feeling a wee bit dirty?

CC326: Goofus & Gallant, part iii by fpd 7-13-06

Goofus indulges his carnal desires. I had a really great time having sex with you Suzy. Let's do it again after I get some more condoms. Gallant believes in resisting the flesh. You vile, heathen temptress, Yuko. You seduced me with your sexy body and led me astray. Shame on you, woman.

CC326: Goofus & Gallant, part iv by fpd 7-13-06

Goofus thinks life is fun and games. Ha, ha! Gallant knows life is about responsibility. You're pregnant? How could you be so irresponsible? There's only one responsible thing to do now. Take this money and get an abortion.

CC326: Goofus & Gallant, part v by fpd 7-13-06

Goofus picks on other kids. Gallant, you're a hypocritical, moralistic, self-righteous prick. Gallant witnesses to other kids. Goofus, if you don't shape up and become born again, as I have, you are going to burn like bacon in everlasting hellfire.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Well, thanks to everyone who participated in this train wreck--I mean, wonderful contest.

ArtemisStrong would have won for "Ed Harris' Magical Roundup", but unfortunately, his entry violated the "no photoshop" rule. But he gets a very honorable mention anyway for his exceptional usage of Ed Harris.

Other honorable mentions go to RCLG and fpd for their diligent efforts.

Two of the comics actually made me laugh audibly, so in all fairness one of them should be the winner. It was close, but here's how it ended up:

SECOND PLACE: "I was skipping through the woods in search of honey sweet, but when i found it the bees stung my potatoes and meat" made me laugh, so second place goes to AngryAmerican for "(more) Dr Seuss's "Oh, My achin Balls."

FIRST PLACE: I enjoyed this comic the most for some reason, so first place goes to boloboffin for "Scooters And Mr. Death."

And so, another great CC goes down in history.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Holy shit!

Thanks, biped! I'll get the next contest rolling soon...

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker