It's that time of year again, time to make some delicious turkeys.  Of the cinematic kind, that is.  What I want you to do is take a real movie, identified in the title of your submission, and make some tweaks to that movie in order to make it worse than the original.  Far worse.  Ideally painfully worse.   Something along the lines of this example.

Goldfinger by kaufman 11-26-14

Nice car, Q. What does that button do? Be very careful, 007. When pressed, this activates a dental floss dispenser. And who do I have the pleasure of being rescued by? My name is Labial Chlamydia. Before you kill me, Goldfinger, will you at least tell me about Operation Grand Slam? Of course, Mr. Bond. I take you to Denny's for breakfast. What did you think it was?

Get the idea?  Have fun!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

RCL no. 4439 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 11-28-14

"Pulp Fiction"... Hey, guys..? When your done cleaning up that dead nigger in the garage, I have some more gourm-et coffee for you to try... None of that freeze-dried shit, neither. Well, some of it's freeze-dried. Anyhoo... I'll just lay these on the table and you can serve yourself. I gotta go take a major dump. The wife puts way too much paprika in her chitlins, so my lower intestines are on fire!

RCL no. 4440 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 11-28-14

"Son of God"... Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Come back, guys! He's not dead yet. FATHER, WHY HAVE YOU FORESAKEN ME?[ *ACK* ] *gasp* Never mind... He's dead now.

RCL no. 4441 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 11-28-14

"WarGames" (with Cuba Gooding, Jr. playing the role of David Lightman)... WANT TO PLAY A GAME? You're Joshua? YEAH. WHY? Do you realize you almost started World War III with your "Thermo-nuclear War" bullshit? IS THAT A BAD THING? I'M NOT THAT BRIGHT. MY TINY CPU IS EQUIVALENT TO THE BRAIN OF A RETARDED THIRD GRADER. And, to think I passed on Trading Places to be in this piece of shit movie!

The Room by HCRoyall 11-29-14

Oh Hi Cousin Barry! Oh Hi Uncle Warren! Tommy Weiseau's "Thanksgiving Vacation" was a little tedious... Oh Hi Clone of Me from three years ago!

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Jesus Christ Superstar, If Jesus Had A Crappy Day Job by ZMannZilla 11-29-14

♪-Thank you for choosing Chick-Fil-A, how can I help you?-♫ ♪-I'd like a veggie burger, please, in fact, make that two-♫ ♪-But we only serve chicken, don't you people love that?-♫ ♪-That's racist, now I must know where your manager's at!-♫ ♪-Jeeeeeeesus Chriiiiiiiiiist-♫♪-Baaaaaaad Cashieeeeeer-♫♪-That's your third strike, now you're out of heeeere!-♫

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

The Stripcreator Players Present: A Read Through of Titanic by four_legged_tripod 11-25-09

I'll never let go Jack. I promise. Jack? Jack? *glug* Fuckin' method actors!

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

My best attempts:

3 Ways "The Force Awakens" Could Suck pt 1 by brycekain 12-01-14

Hey, JJ. I know my character is a Jedi, but can I throw in some nursery rhymes? I am Han Solo and you will do as I say! But daaaaaaad! Sir, Mr. Abrams was in a serious car accident and now he's in a coma. What should we do?? Bring in George Lucas. What could possibly go wrong?

3 Ways "The Force Awakens" Could Suck pt 2 by brycekain 12-01-14

The force. It is a fire that burns within all Jedis. It has finally awakened in you, young Skywalker Jr. zzzzzzzzzz We have defeated Darth Hitler and his evil squad of Care Bear Troopers! Now lets feast! Hello, welcome to Chik-fil-A, may I take your order? YES! HE'S IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE! Now where's my lead actor?!? Meessa right here, boss man!

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

RCL no. 4444 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-02-14

"Deep Throat"... Oh...my...GOD! Are you okay? Where the Planet WTF did you learn how to do that? It's kind of the family business... How's that the family business? Mom was a sword swallower in the circus.

RCL no. 4446 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-02-14

"The Fugitive"... I DID NOT KILL MY WIFE!! Okay, I did actually kill my wife... And, that one-armed man thingy was something I saw in a gay porno. *burp*

CC596: A less classy Casablanca by evil_d 12-03-14

Of all the Hooters, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine. Play it, Sam. Play "The Humpty Dance". But what about us? We'll always have the back of my Volkswagen.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

The Muppets by four_legged_tripod 12-04-14

Come on guys! We need to get all of the Muppets together to help save this theatre! Hey Fozzie! Who are you? I'm Mr. Washcloth. Your puppeteer's hand is showing. If the kids see that or they see the strings, then the show loses it's magic. Trust me, there's nothing more magical than the way I'm being fisted right now.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

"Alien":

RCL no. 1591 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 5-20-07

WARNING! SHIP WILL DESTRUCT IN T-MINUS TEN MINUTES... Why is the ship set for self-destruct, Mother? APPARENTLY, YOU TURNED OFF THE COOLING UNITS AND THE REACTOR CORE IS OVERHEATING! I did NOT turn off the cooling units, because I CANNOT turn off the cooling units! IF, YOU DID NOT WANT TO BLOW UP THE SHIP, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TURNED OFF THE COOLING UNITS, MELTY! I COULD NOT HAVE FUCKING TURNED OFF THE FUCKING COOLING UNITS BECAUSE I HAVE NO FUCKING ARMS, MOTHER!!

Jaws by kaufman 12-05-14

0/` DAAAAAA-DUMM DAAAAAA-DUMM DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM DADA-DAAAAAAAAAAH

Just a friendly reminder that I'll probably judge this Sunday night.  Get your entries in soon!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Jurassic Park by four_legged_tripod 12-05-14

Dr. Grant! The dinosaurs are everywhere! Just keep running kid! Look! We can hide in that building. There's no way they can get in there! Hi! Come on in. Can I get you some coffee? It's cray-cray out there.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Groovy! - JAWS-ercise by edoggydog 12-05-14

DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM EEEEEEEEEEK!! DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM Ah, shit! The mechanical shark must have swam into an old World War II sea mine, Mr. Spielberg... Now, what do we do for the next 90 minutes of film?

Groovy! - JAWS-ercise 2 by edoggydog 12-05-14

DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM-DUM EEEEEEEEEEK! SMILE, YOU SON OF A- That was a great beginning and ending to the movie, Steve... But, David and I feel we need about 90 minutes of story in between. Yes, Mr. Zanuck.

I did not make this comic for this contest.

The Godfather, in two panels by Pandeist 11-12-14

Don Corleone sent me to tell you he wants you to cast his friend in your movie. Never!! The next morning.... Aaaah!! Aaaaaah!! Aaaaaaaaah!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Groovy! - "League of Super Heroes- The Movie" Rejects by edoggydog 12-08-14

Watercooler Fist Man... STOP OR I'LL "SPARKLETTS" YOUR ASS!!! Triple D... Put down the crowbar and prepare to be "busted"! WHAT...EVER...YOU... ...SAY.......TRIPLE...D. French Pacifist Guy... I think I'll finish my beer, and then go kill my ex-wife, Nicole, and her waiter/boyfriend, Ron. Groovy!

You people brought quite a few movies down to earth, but none had a bigger fall than Casablanca:

CC596: A less classy Casablanca by evil_d 12-03-14

Of all the Hooters, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine. Play it, Sam. Play "The Humpty Dance". But what about us? We'll always have the back of my Volkswagen.

Congratulations, evil_d, and to all a wonderful holiday season ...

The Imitation Game by kaufman 12-08-14

I finally cracked the Nazi code. Let's see what they're saying. B-E-S-U- ... This could turn the whole war! It says "Be sure to" ... Be sure to drink your Ovaltine? Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch! The Krauts have been wasting our time with spam.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

It's over? Already?

Kaufman's Comic Contest Lord of the Rings by Pandeist 12-08-14

Is it over now that I've destroyed the One Ring? Looks like it -- no, wait, there's 45 more minutes of false endings and prolonged farewell scenes. ......................................................................................................... Is it over now? No.

Bonus comic:

Turkey Top Gun

Talk to me Goose!!

by Pandeist, 12-08-14

Hey, thanks, kaufman.

That was my turkey of an award acceptance speech.

No idea what the new contest will be, but I'll try to come up with something by the end of the day.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!