Surprise!  The only rule for this one is it involves a next-door-neighbor in some way, shape, or fashion.  Or, if it takes place in an English-speaking place outside the USA, you can use a next-door neighbour for all I care.  Either way, I'll knock on your door and judge it in a week or a bit longer, depending on how quickly the entries flow.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Homo-Erect-Us (For a Price) by Makin_d_bacon 4-20-17

Faster... Slower... Deeper... Harder.... Me & my brother agree. You can REALLY suck, fella! If yous guys wanna watch Phreaky lick this jizz off me, it'll be an exrta $500!

Real Life: Getting to Know the Neighbors by four_legged_tripod 4-21-17

Hi. I'm Rosemary. Hello. I'm Pepper. Nice to meet you. My name's Sage. I'm Ginger. Where have you been? I sent you next door over an hour ago to see if they had any chili powder and you come back disheveled and sweaty. I had to try a lot of different spices before I found the chili powder.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Planet #WTF by brycekain 4-24-17

What did you bring me to read today, neighbor? Well I was going to give you Trump's new book "How to Be Rich," but I'm having second thoughts. Why is that? Chapter One: Are you me? No? Then you suck. #SAD Chapter Two: Have a rich dad. Period. Chapter Three: On the following pages, use the tools I gave you for creative meditation. Well, that chapter doesn't sound so bad... The rest is just a fucking coloring book.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

It's an old comic, but it fits rather nicely with both the theme and the title.

CC647: Sausage, Pepperoni, Olives, And DAMNATION by ZMannZilla 7-14-16

HELLOOOOO! ANSWER YOUR DOOR! knock knock Ah! Hello fine foul spawn of the pit! I have your pizza here! I did not order a pizza. Wait, this isn't 666, the Number Of The Beast??? Thou hast the wrong address. This be 668, the Neighbor Of The Beast. 666 is over there.

I think this one also checks out.

Porkman & Finchy Signed The Worse Possible Lease Agreement by ZMannZilla 9-15-16

Holy Cursewords Porkman! This apartment is in our price range! Indeed, which is why Porkman suspect something wrong with it. Well, YEAH. Our "price range" includes more pocket lint than actual money. This place is probably infested with pipe-eating roaches or something. Or what if it is in bad school district run by gangs of drug-dealing wolverines? Oh wait, I see the problem. We'd be living across the street from the Kardashians. UGH, SO THAT IS WHERE SMELL COMES FROM!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

RCL no. 5723 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-27-17

Your dog took a shit on my lawn again, neighbor! Did you hear me? YOUR DOG TOOK A SHIT ON MY LAWN!! AGAIN!!! SAY SOMETHING!!!!! It looks like RCLG is stuck on 106 followers thanks to that douchebag Creative813's lame-ass comments!

CC 667 by brycekain 4-28-17

But Kate, dost thou understand thus much English? Canst thou love me? I cannot tell. Can any of your neighbours tell, Kate? I'll ask them. That bitch sucked so many dicks her HMO won't even cover her.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

RCL no. 5726 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-29-17

You wanted to talk, Pontius Pilate? Listen, Mohammed... I want us to be friends, not just neighbors. Okay, but I don't think we have anything in common. Let's try an experiment... On the count of three, let's both shout out the thing we hate the most and see if they're similar. One... Two... Three. FUCKING... ...JEWS!!

RCL no. 5728 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-30-17

Run it by me again, Neighbor Bob... Okay, Anders... I clench your ball- sack with my right hand, while simultaneously sticking my left index finger in your mouth and tickle your uvula. Is it safe? Which part? Both! Yes, as long as you don't flinch.

RCL no. 5740 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 5-07-17

Day 23: Today, Phreaky is laying out in her front yard in a string bikini. Again. The temperature is in the 90's, yet her nipples are protruding from her top like a roll of pregnant nickels! I'll be back... (Sixteen minutes later...) Okay, I'm back from whacking off. Now she's laying on her stomach. It looks like she is literally resting her chest on two huge flesh balloons! I'll be back...

RCL no. 5745 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 5-12-17

This heated conflict between these two neighbors has been going on for years! GRRRRRRR!!!! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! GRRRRRRR!!!! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (Yeah... I, too, have no effing idea what the hell is going on.) GRRRRRRR!!!! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

RCL no. 5748 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 5-13-17

New sitcom on ABC: "Marvin the Mute Meets His New Neighbor, Francis the Vow-of-Silence Monk During the Aftermath or World War III"... (Naturally, the show was canceled after only two-and-a-half epsiodes because they never said anything!)

(I'll keep entering clinkers until kaufman judges this beotch.)

RCL no. 5749 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 5-13-17

Even though "Marvin the Mute Meets His New Neighbor, Francis the Vow-of-Silence Monk During the Aftermath or World War III" was canceled after only two-and-a-half episodes... C'mon, Marvin... You gotta go talk to Francis. ...ABC brought it back for the summer season because of the overwhelming success the show had in Southeast Asia syndication. You hear me, Marvin? Marvin..? Thinking the show needed a little punch, they added a talking chicken. (Unfotrunately, talking chickens are bad luck in Asian cultures, causing the show to nose-dive in syndication.) SAY SOMETHING, GODDAMMIT!!

(This one's more of a "clanker" than clinker)

Fine.  I'm canceling the show midseason. Random, you're stuck with starting the next contest!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

FU-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-UCK!!!!!!!

Okay.  I'll come up with next CC toot sweet.

(Thank you, BTW)

Sonder Desolation Dissimulate by jennifer_lemieux 9-22-17

Sonder Lifeform witnessed. Desolation Lifeform struggles. Dissimulate Lifeform appears normal.

Blondie is an outterspace neighbor