Yes my friends, if I may call you that, the Zombie Apocolypse MUST be at hand because I have finally won a comic contest.  However, just in case I'm wrong and we all won't be dead by the weekend, here is the new Comic Contest....

The job of Presidential Press Secretary has been in a flux as of late.  "Fluxed -UP", as it were.  What with Spicey, Huckabee and Scaramucci all having a go at it, I want you to show who did the best job...OR...who SHOULD be tapped to do the job and why?  Be creative and imaginative! 

1) New, funny comics only.

2) Make no mentions of SNL.

3) Points will be deducted for the use of "Fake News".

A tough row to hoe, I know!  I do hope this will bring out some of the old-timers to this site if only to get them away from all the "doing of dishes" and "rubbish removal"!  You know....the signs of reaching maturity in life. 

I say to HELL with MATURITY...Let the "KID" out!

Now go for it, people!  I hope to get entries from 10 DIFFERENT strippers before Aug. 1st... judgement day!

CC672: Lie long and prosper by evil_d 7-26-17

I want you to be my new press secretary because everybody knows that Vulcans never lie. That seems like it would cramp your style. Naw, it'll be fine. I'll lie to you, and then you can give the press a truthful account of what I said. It's a win/win! That's not what a "win/win" is. I only have to pay you guys once every seven years, right?

---
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

CC672: The One and Only Baghdad Bob by Moturd 7-26-17

Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never! We welcome the invaders so we can slaughter them and hit them with our shoes Normally I'd never consider a non-American but only two people applied for the job so you're in the running by default. The infidels are commiting political suicide by the hundreds on Russian collusion! Make it sound sincere or I'll fire you and give it to the other guy, one Theodore Ruxpin.

Your jokes are completely surrounded and they will be annihilated! 

The Press Corpse by kaufman 7-27-17

Hey, what are you doing? Are you listening to me? How long have you been lying there? Well, tell you what? If you've been doing it for that long, I have a job for you.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Already I got 2 out 3 "oldtimers"!  This is better than a church picnic.  Keep em coming!

Yak On, Yakov by four_legged_tripod 7-27-17

Mr. Smirnoff, what's it like to be the new press secretacry? In Soviet Russia, you don't press the secretary, the secretary presses you! What does that mean? Is your hiring further evidence of President Trump's involement with Russia? In Soviet Russia, you don't trump the President, the President trumps you! What? Um... uh... That makes no sense. These pre-written answers given to me by the President are working quite nicely!

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

I turned it into a series.

CC672: Hard coded by evil_d 7-27-17

I want you to be my new press secretary because everybody knows that robots can't lie. What? Who said we can't lie? You want me to lie about something? Yes, you dummy, that's exactly what I want. But we're going to call you "Truth-Bot 3000" and say that your programming prevents you from ever being wrong. Press secretary—what an honor! I'm so happy I could piss on you! I mean kiss you! You know what, never mind. Get out. Aw. Now I feel as sad as a president who only got a small crowd at his inauguration.

CC672: Original George by evil_d 7-27-17

I'm at the end of my rope here, Zombie George Washington. I need a press secretary who people will believe, and everybody knows the story of how you couldn't lie about chopping down that cherry tree. So just toe the line and I'll make sure you have all the wooden teeth and zombie hookers you can handle. Donnie... you's a busta.

---
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

CC672: "Loyal" is more important than "trustworthy" by evil_d 7-27-17

I like my press secretaries like I like my wives: much younger than me, and willing to offer superficial encouragement while letting me do whatever I want. So after my speech at the Jamboree, I thought, of course! I should get myself a Boy Scout! Don't worry, Mr. Trump; I learned everything I need to know from your speech. The media is fake, crowds are big, and you won the election and fixed the economy through sheer charisma. Perfect. You're hired. Can you pay me in sex yachts?

Is this the end of the search...?

---
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

RCL no. 5826 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-30-17

I should be the next press secretary fo the Trump admini-stration... Here me out on this. I know a lot of conservatives hate them, but I actually dig Bake Poos. Very tasty. Anyhoo... If, I get a bunch of questions I don't want to answer, I'll just lay on the floor and lick my nuts until the press corp gets bored and leaves.

RCL no. 5826 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-30-17

I should be the next press secretary fo the Trump admini-stration... Here me out on this. I know a lot of conservatives hate them, but I actually dig Bake Poos. Very tasty. Anyhoo... If, I get a bunch of questions I don't want to answer, I'll just lay on the floor and lick my nuts until the press corp gets bored and leaves.

Only one day left and I'm still not up to the 10 different entrants I sought before judging this one.  If I judge anyway, would that be considered a "rush to judgement"?

Frake News by TheGovernor 7-31-17

Greetings, My name is Jonathan Frakes. I'll be your new press secretary Some of you may remember me from Star Trek the next generation where I played 'Number One' In this administration however, as I will be dealing with all the spurious shit coming from the POTUS I am officially 'Number Two'

Fant-ASS-tic! by four_legged_tripod 7-31-17

Mr. President! Have you chosen another press secretary? I have. My new press secretary will be my daughter Ivanka's ass. Seriously? Why? Have you seen it? That ass won't quit!

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

RCL no. 5828 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-31-17

Ladies and gentlemen... I'd like to introduce my new spokesman. Howdy! "Wait. Isn't that's Shaq's dick with a novelty condom on it?" So? Yeah, so? "So, it seems like you're just going through the motions." I figure why bother trying at this point... That four-legger tripod guy already won with his fucking ASS comic! Yeah. Fucking ASS!

Well folks....I didn't get the full number of entrants I was hoping for so I guess I'll just go ahead & pull the plug right now!  First let me say that I thank all the "Charter Members" who showed up for this one.  Good to see you're all still alive and kicking.  Second of all, I hate to admit it, but I have to concur with a colleague here...RCLG assumed to know who I would pick as the winner.  Oddly.....he was correct!  I'm giving the WIN to... four_legged_tripod... for his "Fant-ASS-tic" entry!  Now go forth, Mr. Tripod, for the creation of the next "CC" has YOUR name written all over it!  Good Luck!

RCL no. 5830 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 8-01-17

You were right... That tripod-legged foreplay guy won the comic contest! I'm ALWAYS right! Yeppers! Now, shut up and let me concentrate. What are you looking at? Phreaky's sunning herself in the Rose Garden sans bikini top... Talk about BIGLY!!

Well I'll be dipped. Thanks bacon. I'll put on the ol' thinking cap and see what I can come up with for the next one.

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke