You know the rules, alternating comics and all that, no holds barred.

Bipolarity [1] by DexX 7-10-02

Hello, my name is Steve. If you have some time, I'd like to tell you about the worst day of my life. It began with the alarm... *beep-beep-beep* *beep-beep-beep* *beep-beep-beep*

Bipolarity[2] by kaufman 7-10-02

Feeling groggy, I looked over to check the time, and saw (or rather, didn't see) that my clock had turned invisible. *beep-beep-beep* *beep-beep-beep* *beep-beep-beep* Groping around to shut the darn thing off, I saw no hand either. I reflected (or rather, I didn't) that invisibility might not be too bad.... *beep-bee...SLAP! ... until I discovered that the cat was invisible too. Ouuuuuch! REEEYOOOOOOOW!

Bipolarity [3] by DexX 7-10-02

It was bizarre - some things in the room were visible, and other (myself included, sadly) were not. My clothes were in the latter category. After ten minutes wrestling with invisible fabrics, I figured I could go naked. Hey, I was invisible, right? Then I glanced out the window.

Bipolarity[4] by kaufman 7-10-02

Should I bother to get dressed? How could I avoid wearing my red robot tie with my multihue striped shirt, my checked golf slacks, my white socks, and two identical loafers, one brown and one black? And yet, what if I didn't try to get it right, went to work, and suddenly became visible? Steve, I don't care if you're invisible. I want you to go down to accounting and ... OH MY GOD! Maybe there would be some answers on my (thankfully visible) computer. This looks like a job for Ask Jeeves!

Bipolarity [5] by DexX 7-10-02

My invisibility-induced problems continued, even after discovering that my chair was also invisible. *k-thunk!* UUUUuunnghh!!! Damn, that hurt... You see, although I had been a computer nut for over a decade... hjtrp'";:qwqweww Grrrrr.... ...I had always been too lazy to learn how to touch-type. hjtrp'";:qwqweww,.ASDk

[Click to view comic: 'Bipolar[6]']

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Bipolarity [7] by DexX 7-10-02

I finally had a bright idea - I fumbled around for a felt-tipped pen and clumsily scribbled ink all over each of my fingertips. Right, this should help. Sure enough, it worked. I could see my fingertips clearly enough to type with reasonable accuracy. *takkity-tak-tak* Aaaah, better... Of course, when the ink rubbed off my fingers and obscured the letters on most of the keys... Oh, I did mention I can't touch-type, didn't I? DAMN IT!

Bipolarity[8] by kaufman 7-10-02

I don't think I mentioned that I woke up with an itchy nose. So of course I'd scratched it with my inky fingers. Nor did I mention my allergies. Before you could say "gesundheit," I was sneezing my way backward on my rolling chair, at about the same rate as a loaded Uzi... Right out the door, and onto Elm Street.

Bipolarity [9] by DexX 7-10-02

I will say this much: invisible mucus is an amazing thing. What the...? aaah-TCHOO!!! The cop couldn't see it, but I could tell from his expression he rapidly shrank into the distance that he could certainly feel it. Ugh!!! What is this!?!? GAH!!! ...aaatchoo! A few seconds later, I rolled into the middle of the street. I wasn't a religious man, but sometimes... ARGH!!! Hail Mary, full of grapes... uh... the log be with you... Oh NOOO!

Bipolarity[10] by kaufman 7-10-02

Down I fell through an invisible manhole into a subterranean world few have experienced, a warren where little precious light entered. I was so overwhelmed, I forgot to keep sneezing. Regaining my composure, I stood up, only to find a strange and menacing creature looming over me. Then he shook off the mucus. Hey, watch it!

Bipolarity [11] by DexX 7-10-02

For the first time that day, I was seen by the eyes of another human being, coated in my own mucus, which was now inexplicably visible. I can explain, officer. Uh-huh. Two conflicting streams of thought filled my head. Part of my mind was puzzling over the appearance (and now, it seemed, disappearance) of my bodily fluids. Well, you see... uh... I'm waiting. Luckily, the second stream of thought - "run away from the policeman I showered in mucus" - proved to me more dominant. ...hello?

[Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity[12]']

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Not sure i get all of it, but great strips anyway.

When my two favorites team up...

SCROE!!

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This is not my empire.

"Mucus Soothes the Savage Beast"

Fucking magnificent.

SCROE!

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Wonderful! My wife was wondering what I was laughing about...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Part Two

Bipolarity [13] by DexX 7-11-02

- Part 2 - Unnghh... I came to on the floor of a brightly lit, stark white room. The only feature was a large mirror, recessed into one wall. I was fairly certain there was someone beyond it, watching me. Anyone there? Can I get some food? Unfortunately, my suspicions were 100% correct...

Bipolarity[14] by kaufman 7-11-02

On a hunch, I touched the mirror. I felt it give way. I stuck my arm through, and suddenly it was engulfed in intense heat. Owwwwwwww! Quickly withdrawing my scorched limb, I noticed it was no longer invisible.

Bipolarity [15] by DexX 7-11-02

Since it had worked for my arm, I tried pressing my head against the bizarre mirror. I felt it slowly give way in front of me... I found myself looking into a small, dim room. When I saw who I had for company, I naturally recoiled. Agh! Grrrr... I had shed my invisibility at a time when I probably needed it the most. Oh, the irony... ...ynori eht ,hO

Bipolarity[16] by kaufman 7-11-02

Compelled by the force of his voice, I stuck my head back through the mirror again, in spite of the shrieking protests in my head. DON'T, FOOL! Hey, get back in here! I noticed that every panel in this series thus far had a narration block, so I'd better not break the streak, even though I have nothing to say. You said, " Ynori Eht Ho." How did you know my name? I am the estranged great-nephew of Don Ho. Things seemed to be looking up, but I've already told you it was the worst day of my life. We haven't even reached lunchtime yet. I have been trying to cut my way out of here for ages. With your help, I might finally succeed.

Bipolarity [17] by DexX 7-15-02

This is really uncomfortable. Why don't you come over my side so we can talk? Not possible, I'm afraid. Back up and I'll show you. AAAAAAAAARGH!!! This is what that damned mirror does_to_me taht tahw si sihT rirrom denmad em_ot_seod !!!HGRAAAAAAAAA

[Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity[18]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity [19]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity[20]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity [21]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity[22]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity [23]']

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Much entertainment! I'll be smiling all day thinking of Hail Mary full of grapes and the log be with you, and mattress farms and identical invisible loafers!
: D

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

Bipolarity[24] by kaufman 7-16-02

Should Steve die and experience afterlife? Does he survive and go to a mad doctor? Or did the drink hit, while he was beamed up by horny aliens? Please, nothing so trite. Ok, here goes... Meanwhile at the offices of a major dictionary publisher... Idiot! You switched the definitions of "invisible" and "invulnerable". Fix that mistake before something terrible happens. Right away, sir. Sorry. Having no idea that reality was returning to normal, I picked myself up, grinned at my lack of a scratch, and stepped boldly into a busy street.

Bipolarity [25] by DexX 7-16-02

My invulnerability was only temporary, as I suddenly found (thanks to a large bus). I was treated to a brief repeat of the sensations of high-velocity flight, and then...  ow  ...I suddenly found myself hoping that the incompetent dictionary editor had mixed up the definition of "inviolable" as well. *thud!* RAAARRR!!! PENETRATIONS FROM HEAVEN!!!

Bipolarity[26] by kaufman 7-16-02

What happened next, I have somehow blotted out of my memory. There is a god. Next thing I know, that robot was standing over me, looking spent. "I haven't made such sweet music since I cornholed the New York Philharmonic," it said inviolably. I started to limp home, and thought I might make it unscathed, when I ran into a couple of thugs from Greenpeace. Look at that guy. He's dripping oil from his butt. Let's get him!

Bipolarity [27] by DexX 7-17-02

The two Greenies beat the living shit out of me. Well, no, that's not quite accurate... They beat out of me what Tobor had put in. You might say that they beat the tar out of me. Ow. Despite my pain, I had a qustion for them: Aren't environmentalists supposed to be pacifists? You kidding? I love trees and all, but people suck! Yeah! We're not like some stupid hippies or something. They wandered off down the street, carrying their buckets of steaming robojism, and I was left lying in the street, leaking from every opening... Did I mention "ow"? My god, this film is depressing. I told you we should have watched the Crocodile Hunter movie.

Bipolarity[28] by kaufman 7-17-02

..................................... Meanwhile, Crikey! smashing through the wall between the two theatres .............................. Kraken!

[Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity [29]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity[30]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity [31]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity[32]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity [33]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity[34]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity [35]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity[36]']

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

This is not a cheap post to put this thread on top of the forum.

There is nothing to see here.

Move along.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

I am so lost beyond all belief...

Bipolarity [37] by DexX 7-29-02

Thank you for your patience, but my story is not yet over. You may recall that I mentioned that this is the story of the worst day of my life. Well, incredibly, that day was not over... *arf! arf!* Only eleven hours had passed since I had been roused by my alarm. I had no way of knowing, as I slowly regained consciousness, that evening was about the fall on the worst day of my life. *sniff sniff sniff* *arf!* The fog in my head slowly cleared, and I found myself staring at a beautiful sky. Sadly, that view was blocked by the head of the ugliest dog I have ever seen. It was sniffing my head. *sniff sniff snuffle sniff* Whatchoo found there, Rex ol' boy?

Bipolarity[38] by kaufman 7-29-02

There's no narration this comic. Can't a guy come to in peace? Oh my goodness, Rex. He looks hurt... His foot... he must have been stung by Willy. Bad Willy! Bad scorpion. We ought to take him back to the farmhouse where he can get some proper rest. Never mind. I was suddenly quite alert. I'm sure none of my 14 daughters will mind sharing a room with him.

Bipolarity [39] by DexX 8-07-02

Back at the farmhouse, I was entranced by the procession of young ladies that passed, each pampering me. Hello. I am Ling, from my father's first marriage. Let me massage your feet for you. I am Tam, Ling's full-sister. I will massage your tired shoulders and neck for you. It was the closest to Heaven I had ever been in my life. It seemed things couldn't get any better. I'm Sandy. What will I do...? I know, I will go and make you some nice hot soup. Back soon! I'm Wendy. Hmmm... you look tired. I'll go out to our home distilliery and fetch you some of our award-winning cider. ...ot perhaps I spoke too soon. Oh, you're being massaged, and you have food and drink on the way? What can Trudi and I do for you? We could show him that pole-dancing routine we've been working on... I'll get the bikinis!

Bipolarity[40] by kaufman 8-07-02

The procession continued. My name is Jane. I'm a biology major, so I know how best to suck the venom out of your wound. With me here, you're not going to die. And my name is Susan. I'll just slaughter one of our cattle and cook up a fresh steak for you. This was getting better and better. All my past troubles were forgotten. I am Matilda. Allow me to soothe you with the music of my harp. I'm Twiggy. I will recite some of my award-winning poerty. Almost. Call me Gail. I just tucked our youngest sister, Althea, into bed, and I'm ready to do the same for you. I'm Sandra. Liquor normally doesn't affect me this way, but I just had a bloody Mary, and for some reason it's making me want to kill YOU!

Bipolarity [41] by DexX 8-07-02

I was getting a very bad feeling... Sandra, calm down! We don't want you to kill another- uh... Look, just go to the kitchen, have some water. Calm down. Okay... breathe deeply, Sandy, breathe deeply... Breathe, Sandy, breathe... Oh, look, daddy left his overalls in here . . . and his hockey mask... Funny how I always feel more comfortable when I'm wearing this stuff. Oh, look, someone left a big knife on the counter. Where should I put it, I wonder?

[Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity[42]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity [43]']

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Bipolarity[44] by kaufman 8-07-02

Before I knew it, the old man had wrapped me in carbon paper, then Wendy covered that in Saran Wrap, then Twiggy wrapped the whole mess in duct tape. There, doesn't that look nice? mmmmmph! Followed by Jane with the gauze, Susan with the velcro, Matilda with the pine needles, and Ling with the string of lights. I couldn't move a muscle. Perfect! Your turn, Gail! But before Gail could apply the next layer, down the stairs came little Althea! Daddy, I need to warn you! Yes, my psychic daughter, what's going to happen?

Bipolarity [45] by DexX 8-11-02

The demented old man in a bunny suit and lingerie seemed disturbed by his youngest daughter's warning... Girls! Girls! Althea has had another vision! Be quiet and listen. Daddy, I had the most awful dream... She went on to describe a terrible tsunami, a massive wall of water that would smash the land, drowning all but the highest mountain peaks, killing every living thing that could not reach high ground. That happened this afternoon, Althea. We live on top of a mountain, remember? Really? Oh... I'm going back to bed then. Have fun torturing, killing, cooking and eating that man...

Bipolarity[46] by kaufman 8-11-02

As Gail reapproached me in her awful getup, I thought of Althea's words. If she was a prophet, I was doomed to be eaten by this lot. But if she foretold the past, that meant it had already happened. But that made no sense whatsoever. If I was already eaten ... at that point, something in my logic circuits exploded. I was free, and surrounded by the inferno set off by the sparks of my explosive escape.

Bipolarity [47] by DexX 8-13-02

Still covered in duct tape, I slowly and carefully hopped away from the flames. Hnngg... My only hope was to get out the window and away from this family of loons. He's headed for the window! Quick, stop him! Maybe she was psychic after all. It seemed the little bitch could read my narration! Of course I... HEY! Who are you calling a bitch!

Bipolarity[48] by kaufman 8-13-02

Suddenly, a brilliant idea struck me. I'll narrate in Braille! ....*....*........*...*....*...*....*....**.. ..*....**.......**.....*..**.........*....*.. .......*..........*...*....*...*.............. Help! I can't see! Where did that seeing eye dog come from? yipyipyipyipyip!

[Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity [49]'][Click to view comic: 'Bipolarity[50]']