I'll audition, too. Please tell me if I'm being obnoxious. If you do, I'll probably make a comic about how horrible you are, but... meh.

[Click to view comic: 'Abridged: The Stars My Destination'] - My first strip to get anything other than half a "moh."
[Click to view comic: 'Abridged: The Last Temptation of Christ'] - I think this is organic structure. Maybe not.
[Click to view comic: 'Nostalgia Bucket 001'] - Starring the guy from Saved by the Bell.
[Click to view comic: 'Nostalgia Bucket 002'] - Is gay sex with little boys supposed to be fun or funny? I forget which one.
[Click to view comic: 'Nostalgia Bucket 003'] - A slice of your life, geek.
[Click to view comic: 'Jesus Christ, Action Hero'] - Physical comedy always gets a laugh. And by "always," I mean never.
[Click to view comic: 'The Great Debate'] - I had a book of obscure insults with me for this one. See? I even do research for my strips!
[Click to view comic: 'Abridged: Jerkcity'] - This is actually a pretty good abridgement.
[Click to view comic: 'Pandering'] - ASSHOLES ARE FUNNY! HAW!
[Click to view comic: 'Coupon: The Movie 2'] - This one has a punchline.
[Click to view comic: 'Admissions'] - Get it? He's God. At first I thought he was gonna be Simon Cowell.
[Click to view comic: 'IT'S TRUE!'] - I'm sorry already for posting this one.
[Click to view comic: 'FIGHT THE EVIL!'] - Semi-expressionist political commentary before everyone was commenting on the redirection of ee-vil.
[Click to view comic: 'The Descolada Experiment'] - The proctologist is actually Jamie Kennedy.
[Click to view comic: 'Nostalgia Bucket 004 - "DRINKIN A FOUR OH"'] - When will those crazy kids give in to their natural urges?
[Click to view comic: 'CC 141: OBIJO I LOVE YOU, PART ONE'] - The first panel tells a SHOCKING TRUE STORY.
[Click to view comic: 'CC 142: Wilkommen!'] - I don't think I understood the whole sub_m7 situation when I wrote this.
[Click to view comic: 'Cops'] - This is an example of my ability to tell whole, richly complex narratives in just three panels.
[Click to view comic: 'America's Public School Health Curriculum'] - I'm getting better at this "political commentary" thing. Maybe.
[Click to view comic: 'Triple DexX 02'] - He's only the world's sixteenth XTreme Sports Secret Agent.
[Click to view comic: 'Triple DexX 04'] - Doesn't every good cop?
[Click to view comic: 'Triple DexX 06'] - This was the only Triple DexX strip to win any sort of critical acclaim. And by "critical acclaim" I mean no one took a shit on my front porch that day.
[Click to view comic: 'Triple DexX 07'] - Someone, somewhere, laughed at this.
[Click to view comic: 'Triple DexX 08'] - I like how mean-spirited Triple DexX is.
[Click to view comic: 'Triple DexX 10'] - My best work.
[Click to view comic: 'Triple DexX 13'] - He looked on the bright side and took it as a compliment. Also, can you find the SUPER SECRET Mullholland Drive reference?
[Click to view comic: 'Triple DexX 15'] - Dcomposed took time out of his busy schedule of fondling wallabies to come guest star on Triple DexX. Don't worry, right wingers, they're not really going out to buy marijuana cigarettes! I wouldn't want to upset my Republican fans.
[Click to view comic: 'Triple DexX 16'] - I think this is a masturbation joke.
[Click to view comic: 'Triple DexX 18'] - See? I deal with real world issues such as racism in my comics!
[Click to view comic: 'Triple DexX 20'] - The fisting was not consentual.
[Click to view comic: 'Triple DexX 21'] - Compare this with how someone such as Kaufman would have ended this storyline. I think you'll see our genius is similar.
[Click to view comic: 'CC 145: And Now You Know'] - I made this strip just to try and fit in.
[Click to view comic: 'End of Triple Dexx: The Movie 01'] - The first and second times I watched End of Evangelion, it put me into a state of philosophical euphoria for several hours afterward. The first time I did so, I thought I had discovered the meaning of existing. The third time I watched EoE, I got nothing out of it.
[Click to view comic: 'End of Triple DeXX: The Movie 03'] - Once again the music of Cat Stevens saves the world as we know it.
[Click to view comic: 'taking you back fitty years'] - This one really upset everyone's favorite friend, punkrockskaboy. The thing is, though, I meant to post it on a different account of mine. Guess which one.
[Click to view comic: 'But Your Hearts Say Yes.'] - I think all but one of my series have been universally loathed.
[Click to view comic: 'Lust Cycle'] - HAW! HE HAS NO PANTS!
[Click to view comic: 'Dadada'] - The Asian girl on the right has always been my favorite. She has an air of naughty sexiness. Or maybe I'm just a raging pedophile.
[Click to view comic: 'A Heartfelt Hello'] - My incomprehensible response to my detractors.

So now I've given you countless reasons why not to let me into the elite forums, so now you can't but let me in. I'm like Eminem's character in 8 Mile. Huh?! Huh?!

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~But now you realize / He's not selling any alibis~

Here's what dcomposed said when I asked him what he thinks of my work:

ha
kaufman only has one vote
not two
or three
kaufman only has one vote
in the comic cup

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~But now you realize / He's not selling any alibis~

I NEVER SAID THAT!!!

akirajim should be invited.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

One vote is good for me. Usually I get fewer.

YOU HATE ME! YOU REALLY HATE ME!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

i must say akirajim your comics remind me of the time i spermed on my belly and by that i mean they suck total fucking ass but thanks for trying and keep up the good work

yours ,
longdong

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heres jizz in your eye homosauruses -longdongsilver

I love you, LongDong.

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~But now you realize / He's not selling any alibis~

Time for part two.

[Click to view comic: 'S&S: 1.2'] - Who's the boss? Bazilla's the boss.
[Click to view comic: 'S&S: 1.3'] - Tell it like it is, Clango Stevenopolis!
[Click to view comic: 'CC 148: First Day as a Fireman, Part Three'] - This is one of the worst comics I've ever made. Of course, it's still better than some of the fucked-up shit I've seen while Randomizing.
[Click to view comic: 'Dada Jr.'] - Masterful social commentary.
[Click to view comic: 'CC 148: C'est Con Part One'] - Another godawful one. I must apologize for my CC 148 entries; I was high on cold pills and couldn't stop writing shitty comics.
[Click to view comic: 'CC 148: C'est Con Part Two'] - Actually, this one's a masterpiece. I guess sometimes it's good to be sick and stupid. "C'est Con" had what must have been the worst plot ever, but it read like poetry. If you don't agree with me on this important issue, you're obviously too new to understand MY GREAT ART.
[Click to view comic: 'CC 148: Hurricane Man, Part One'] - The joke in this particularly brilliant CC 148 entry was that every strip in this series had the line "Hurricane Octavius is an asshole." Isn't that clever? I don't know why I never referenced Hurricane Octavius again. I could create my own little self-contained universe of comic strip continuity.
[Click to view comic: 'CC 148: Me and My Pal, Part One'] - This CC 148 series is about how me and dcomposed are best pals who live together. I do not know to what degree mansex is involved in this relationship.
[Click to view comic: 'Porpoise!'] - He really is one sick fucking porpoise.
[Click to view comic: 'CC 150: Woodshock'] - I like the middle panel.
[Click to view comic: 'The Dream Part Five'] - 'kay.
[Click to view comic: 'Pantsiel'] - I hope Kaufman really is Jewish or this comic completely sucks.
[Click to view comic: 'Fathertime Struggles'] - This would've been a damn good blad strip if only I hadn't accidentally posted it under this account name.
[Click to view comic: 'CC 153 v.2: Hollywood Ending'] - Awww, DexX, that's so sweet.
[Click to view comic: 'CC 153: When Pigs Fly Into My Ass'] - Guess what the rules to this CC were.
[Click to view comic: 'Happy Birthday'] - This is really how I met brad. He's a great guy.
[Click to view comic: 'Edutainment: Literary Edition'] - The first person to identify the literary reference in this comic gets to be insulted in a strip done by my very own best pal, LongDongSilver.
[Click to view comic: 'Scion of Evil 1'] - My only series anybody ever enjoyed.
[Click to view comic: 'Scion of Evil 6'] - This is a real scientific experiment you kids can perform at home if you ever want to know for sure whether or not your dad's a polesmoker.
[Click to view comic: 'Robot Love 5'] - A masterpiece of characterization.
[Click to view comic: 'Devin's CC 155: Assreckoner'] - I wish.
[Click to view comic: 'Making The Funney: mega_h8'] - My first ever "Making the Funney." In MtF's, I make existing comics done by other users funnier with the addition of very obvious dick jokes.
[Click to view comic: 'Making the Funney: DragonXero'] - An MtF injoke.
[Click to view comic: 'Making the Funney: boinky33'] - Boinky33 comics... with dick jokes?!
[Click to view comic: 'WOMEN ARE STUPID'] - A very personal moment with Drexle.
[Click to view comic: 'KRAZY KOMIX'] - Kee-razy!
[Click to view comic: 'Donkeyburglar'] - Maybe Bobby Christ is.
[Click to view comic: 'The Horror'] - Another serious social issue discussed.
[Click to view comic: 'Why ArtemisStrong is Pro-Life.'] - Insult comic? Or clever satire?
[Click to view comic: 'True Story!'] - I was just asking for forum access, brad...
[Click to view comic: 'Making the Funney: attitudechicka'] - True, true.
[Click to view comic: 'Making the Funney: donkeytom'] - Zing!
[Click to view comic: 'Hell Day in Shittown'] - This is what happens when you piss off brad in the Stripcreator chat.
[Click to view comic: 'Femality'] - I think this is why I almost got banned.
[Click to view comic: 'Haw Haw Comix- Issue 3'] - Something more mainstream.
[Click to view comic: 'Haw Haw Comix - Issue 9'] - Partially based on my chat exploits.
[Click to view comic: 'The Second Tribute in a Row'] - Paying tribute at the feet of your idols.
[Click to view comic: 'S:tBGM 4'] - An excerpt from my Stripcreator musical.

There, motherfuckers!

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~But now you realize / He's not selling any alibis~

Notice how Kaufman has avoided addressing the real issue here- my comics!

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~But now you realize / He's not selling any alibis~