The first of three down-and-dirty, mud-slinging presidential debates is tonight. Show me how you think it went, or how you imagine one of the future debates will go. If you are some kind of godless foreigner who knows nothing of the great institution that is American Democracy, then you can substitute a debate of any kind (from philosophy class to class warfare). There is only one additional rule... a tagline from one of the regular posters must appear somewhere in your comic. Example: John Kerry insisting that "nothing says metal like a killer accordian solo".

Series are O.K., but the tagline rule has to be followed for every comic.

Extra credit if one of the regular posters from the "Did Someone Mention Politics?" thread shows up in your strip or series to offer commentary.

BTW, I'm not fond of Bush or Kerry, so I don't think you can possibly offend me (but extra credit if you do).

Judging in 5 - 7 days. 24 hour notice will be given before the contest ends.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Flip Flop Rap by fzh 9-30-04

Flip -Flop to the Flippity Flop. Flop Flop Flippy diddity Flippity Flop! Flip with the Flop and we Flop to the Flip. Fliping with the Flopping to the Flopity Flip. And you forgot Poland.

CC 260: Jesus Died For His Own Sins Not Mine by umfumdisi 9-30-04

Bush................ Bush................ Bush................ Bush................ Bush................ Kerry................ Kerry................ Kerry................ Kerry................ Kerry................ Bush................ Bush................ Bush................ Bush................ Bush................ Kerry................ Kerry................ Kerry................ Kerry................ Kerry................ Bush................ Bush................ Bush................ Kerry................ Bush! Gotcha! Kerry................ Kerry................ Kerry................ Bush................ Damn.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Don't forget the tagline rule, folks.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

CC 260: Pressing Issues by umfumdisi 9-30-04

Senator Kerry, do you prefer cutting benefits for veterans or funding euthanasia for retired Republicans? That's a tough question. We will have to cut back on military spending in some ways, but killing old Republicans is usually a good thing. I'll get back to you. Senator Kerry, would you rather roll your mother in flour and fuck the wet spot or kill your wife, cover her body in ketchup (or catsup) and eat the rotting corpse? Well, families are the basis of a stronger America, so procreation is important, but the second option sounds quite appealing. I'll do whatever's best for America. Finally, Senator Kerry, do you prefer pancakes or waffles? Pancakes! No, waffles. And don't forget, kids, nothing says metal like a killer accordian solo.

Okay, I changed the title of my first entry.
The tagline is/was JesusSandwich's. Thanks.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

CC 260: Funny by Rabid_Weasle 9-30-04

You are silly. And you smell! Remember kids, nothing's funnier than politics!

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So... Kerry is the donkey then?

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Poop.

CC 260: Master Debaters by biped 9-30-04

I promise to create a million new jobs, and I'm gonna fill 'em all. OH MY GOD!!! HE'S GONNA CREMATE A MILLION JEW SLOBS AND KILL 'EM ALL!!! OH, THE HUMANITY!!! -- and what's more, I won't flip-flop on my stance to grow the economy, and quick. YOU WANT TO DROP YOUR PANTS AND BLOW AN ECONOMY-SIZED DICK? WHY, YOU FILTHY PERVERT!!! And I, Ralph Nader, promise to -- OH, FUCK IT!!! WILLIAM HUNG FOR PRESIDENT, 2004!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 260 : Vote Urkel 2004! by niteowl 10-01-04

I appreciate the fact that his daughters have been so kind to my daughters in what has been a pretty hard experience for, I guess, young girls, seeing their dads out there campaigning. And it's tough. And so I acknowledge that his daughters -- I've watched them. I've chuckled a few times at some of their comments. And... I'm trying to put a leash on them. Well, I know. I've learned not to do that. What a soft-bellied wimp, letting his daughters do whatever the hell they want. What an over-bearing asshole. It's no wonder those bimbos are drunk all the time.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

CC#60: The Debate by possums 9-30-04

Alright, first question to Senator Kerry... what the hell are you wearing? Well, Jim, I'm currently decked out in my hippie attire, as you can plainly see. President Bush, you have thirty seconds to issue a rebuttal. Ver-sace is NOT a hippie brand. It's pronounced Ver-sah-chee, get it right! In any case, that is not bona-fide hippie material! True, but my flip flops are!

CC#60: The Debate 2 by possums 9-30-04

Alright now that we've got that past us, President Bush... everyone wants to know... What? Was I steadfast in my decisions? Was I resolute? Did I not waffle did I make the right decisions? What is it?! Is you fan of said bacon? Oh, of course. I is fan of said waffle!

CC#60: The Debate 3 by possums 9-30-04

Senator Kerry, Director of Cats, you recently answered "Yes" to questions that you did indeed smoke marajuana in your youth. Did you? I sure did... In fact, I'm gonna go roll a blunt right now. Can I come? Sorry, I need to smoke with someone who still HAS brain cells to kill.

CC#60: The Debate: Commentary by possums 9-30-04

Well, while the candidates are getting blazed, we turn to our senior political analysts, MaKK and Spankling. Thanks. Thanks. Anyway, I thought Bush was great and fantastic blah blah blah Iraqis have smelly butts blah blah blah Kerry totally owned Bush tonight blah blah blah I know why the caged bird sings blah blah blah sodomy blah Well, maybe we can agree on one thing... That Zaster is a poopy head and his cunt is purple.

CC#60: The Debate 4 by possums 9-30-04

We're back at the Preside... what the fuck is going on here? John and I snorted a kilo and now everything's all wavy. You're also dressed like a nun. For the love of wangs and dongs... You also have a gorgeous ribcage. You have a nice habit. You have a creepy smile now. Nah, it really looks like this.

CC#60: Oddball Debate Edition by possums 10-02-04

All right Mr. James Dio, your first question... how do you differ from your opponent? Hmm... Well, for one thing, I'm flesh and blood, and I know how to speak straight to the American people. You know I could tear your flesh off in a matter of seconds, right? Oh, right, silly me. VOTE CTHULHU '04!

CC#60: The Awful Truth by possums 10-02-04

I have made America and Iraq safer places! You have only endangered us more with your arrogance! Well I rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble Don't you ever think about blah blah blah blah blah blah blah AIEEEEE!!! People who can't see me: Bush, Kerry, and you.

I apologize if no one but hardcore Monty Python fans get this one.

CC#60: I Use... A Body Rub... Called... by possums 10-02-04

Mr. Bush, you changed your mind on the 9/11 Commission a numerous amount of times... Legend... oh legend... third wheel legend... always in the way... Your campaign has a term for that. Oh yeah? What is it? SEMPRINI!!! RIGHT!!

CC#60: Give Them Some AdVice! by possums 10-02-04

The Vice Presidential Debates We must defend our country. We must have leadership. The pope is gay. Dr. Evil 'aint got shit on me. My wife is cheating on me with a box. I'm finer than George Clooney. ACK! MY AORTA!!! That was easy.

CC260: If Liberals Think Today's Elections are Tough... by seattlesque 10-03-04

ooohhh oooh aaah oooh aaah! Not sure, but I think Gene Monkey's response indicates he is not serious about restoring Earth's atmosphere. oooh oooh aah aah TAX aah ahh? Contrary to what my opponent said, I'm not strictly *against* cutting taxes. But I think it pales in importance to the atmosphere issue. [grunts, dung flinging from audience] I recall the famous 21st century tagline: "If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."

CC 260: A Debate Among Equals by biped 10-03-04

Me equals "The Dukes of Hazzard" with Bo and Luke. My opponent equals "The Dukes of Hazzard" with Coy and Vance. Me equals "Bewitched" with Dick York as Darren. My opponent equals "Bewitched" with Dick Sargent as Darren. Me equals early Stephen King books like "The Stand." My opponent equals later Stephen King books like "Hearts In Atlantis." Me equals AMC that showed good movies with no commercials. My opponent equals AMC that shows "Amityville III" fifty times a month, plus commercials. Me equals naked Amazonian girls with big boobies on pogo sticks... And in other news, man eats underwear to beat breathalyzer.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Master Debaters by Enderandrew 10-04-04

I'm vigilant as President. We will succeed. I really is smart. I gotz me a Master's degree from Yale, and my father didn't completely buy my grades! My position is that Bush brought back the Great Depression, went AWOL, and lied about Iraq even though I agreed with him (and supported Clinton on the Iraq-Al Quaeda thing) I cut presciption prices, helped Liberia, cleaned the air and water despite being Republican, etc. Then I shoot myself in the foot by speaking like an idiot in public. My campaign isn't about smearing, and we preach hope. I was just informed that my new position is that I'm not Bush. Change is good, just like Arby's because they carry Heinz catsup. I did exactly what I said I would do. The media and Kerry have been lying all along! Why doesn't anyone believe me. Kerry waffles!!! No one believes the current President so I can lie all day long. I put Heinz catsup on my waffles, and change is inevitable - except from vending machines.

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

(Variations On A Theme)

VOAT 1 by kaufman 10-04-04

One of you will not be inaugurated on January 20, 2005. Should you lose the election, what do you plan to do? Ever since I learned my dad was flammable, I knew I wanted to be a firefighter. I want to wear a red hat, and ride on the truck and carry the hose. I want to restore my ties with the Catholic Church. In fact my ambition is to become the first Pope in centuries from a country other than Italy. Ha! You forgot Poland. Not again.

VOAT 2 by kaufman 10-04-04

We are experiencing zero job creation in this country, prices are going up, the economy is staggering, and worldwide oil demand is rising exponentially. What do you plan to do about it? Uh ... wangs? Look at that. My opponent has no idea. Why, the little lightbulb over his head is burnt out! You don't even know how to change the bulb over your head, do you? This is the only place where you can find someone who can't change a lightbulb alone. You forgot Poland. Guess who just sewed up the Chicago vote.

VOAT 3 by kaufman 10-04-04

Leaving possible nuclear weapons in the hands of madMEN, BAH! Disarm the rogue states. Get the nukes out of North Korea, and out of Iran. Come to daddy! Once again, when enumerating rogue states with nookyuler capabilities, my opponent forgot Poland.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 260 : Cheney vs. Edwards by niteowl 10-05-04

*snarl* Ooh... *growl* Oh my! I'm watching you! Oh Dick, you are SUCH a flirt!

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Vice-Presidential Debates by Enderandrew 10-05-04

You lied to the American public. You said Iraq had links to 9/11. That's not what I said. You're lying. I said Iraq had a history of supporting terrorists. I don't think this country can take 4 more years of your totaliar regime. I don't think this country can wait 4 years for you to hit puberty. Dude, your name is Dick, and no one likes you. Howard Dean used to beat you up and take your lunch money.

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

O.K., you guys have got until around midnight tonight to get in that huge flood of last minute entries you've... uh... been saving up.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

I'm not 100% sure what you meant by the campaign slogan thing. I think my entries tried to incorporate actual quotes or platforms of the candidates. But just in case, here's another entry.

The Debate Continues by Enderandrew 10-06-04

Maybe the economy crashed, but you didn't want that manufacturing job anyway! My wife may send jobs overseas, and I may have voted for 98 tax hikes, but at least I got rich! It's not like I'm Hitler! I'm not going to sleep with ugly interns, that is unless the public wants me to. some ideas borrowed from wonkette.com Vote for me because my opponent is an asshole! Vote for me because my opponent is an asshole (and I don't run a smear campaign!)

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

Kerry on the Offensive by Enderandrew 10-06-04

My opponent is responsible for the economy, and this new trend of "Benedict Arnorld CEO's" who send jobs overseas! You and your wife send jobs overseas! I'm just supporting free trade with programs like CAFTA! You're in the pocket on the oil companies. Bullshit. I gave tax breaks to hybrid owners, forced auto makers to improve fuel economy, and fund fuel-cell research. I want us off foreign oil! You gave Halliburton the defense contracts. Well, you can't defend the indefensible.

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

Okay, I swear I'm done with the debates.

But I've gotten a lot of negative comments in general, where as I've gotten a lot of positive PM's and feedback on the political strips I've done.

Now, Bush on the Offensive by Enderandrew 10-06-04

You flip-flop, and waffle. You can't build allies like that. I have never changed position, ever. I've always said the same thing. You flip-flop, and you waffle. You can't lead the troops like that. I've only clarified my positions, I haven't really CHANGED them per se. You see, before my platforms were contingent, and contingencies change. You flip-flop, and you waffle. You can't be trusted like that. Okay, so maybe I cater to sycophants and the fickle mass, but at least I can pronounce nuclear. I win!

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

CC ... that one about the election and shit. by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 10-06-04

Vote Me. I give tax cuts to the rich and middle class. I lead our country in battle overseas to save YOU money on Gas Prices. Vote Me. Im not George W Bush. I fight the war against terror, I helped jail Martha Stewart, and goddamn it, Nihilism makes me smile Vote Me. Im not George W Bush. Youre not taking this seriously, are you. Well , Ralph Nader stole all my policies , i need to go with what works.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

CC 260: "Plan 9 From Outer Space" -- The Debate Scene by biped 10-06-04

Why is it so important that you want to contact the governments of our earth? Because of death. Because all you of Earth...are IDIOTS! Drunk on power and absinth! Now you just hold on, Buster! No, YOU hold on! So what if we do develop this Solaranite bomb? We'd be even a stronger nation than now. "Stronger." Ya see? Ya SEE? Your stupid minds! Stupid! STUPID!